The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart shows Australian
men
and
women
of different
ages
who engaged in regular exercise. Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
,
it is clear that
women
's figures increased with
age
,
while
the reverse was true for
men
until middle
ages
and they saw a lower peak than the corresponding figure of females. Regarding the youth
age
group, males outnumbered
women
in regular physical activity
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
52% and 47.7%, respectively.
However
,
men
experienced a slight fall in
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
Ages
, with just under 40% and reaching their lowest rate.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the figure increased from
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group between 45-65 and older with a small proportion.
Moreover
, almost all figures were below 50%.
In contrast
, young female did regular exercise less than their older counterparts.
However
, the situation changed,when
women
between 25 and 54
age
group were more active reaching their peak at 55.3%.
Likewise
, elder females were again greater than males by around 8% at
ages
55-64. Interestingly, the proportion of
men
and
women
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
doing exercise was almost the same at
ages
65 and older with 46.6% and 47%, respectively.
Submitted by ikromovavazbek01 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, ages, age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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