The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart shows Australian
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
of different
ages
Use synonyms
who engaged in regular exercise. Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
's figures increased with
age
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
the reverse was true for
men
Use synonyms
until middle
ages
Use synonyms
and they saw a lower peak than the corresponding figure of females. Regarding the youth
age
Use synonyms
group, males outnumbered
women
Use synonyms
in regular physical activity
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
52% and 47.7%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
experienced a slight fall in
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
Ages
Use synonyms
, with just under 40% and reaching their lowest rate.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the figure increased from
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group between 45-65 and older with a small proportion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, almost all figures were below 50%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, young female did regular exercise less than their older counterparts.
However
Linking Words
, the situation changed,when
women
Use synonyms
between 25 and 54
age
Use synonyms
group were more active reaching their peak at 55.3%.
Likewise
Linking Words
, elder females were again greater than males by around 8% at
ages
Use synonyms
55-64. Interestingly, the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
doing exercise was almost the same at
ages
Use synonyms
65 and older with 46.6% and 47%, respectively.
Submitted by ikromovavazbek01 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, ages, age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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