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Band 4.5

Now, a lot of charities and organisations have to publicize their activities by setting up a number of days to name the special day like National Children’s day and National non smoking day. Why do they do so? What are the effects?

#charities #organisations #activities #name #children’s #effects
Nowadays, we celebrate different types of national
days
. Mainly it is conducted by
the
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apply
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charitable trust organizations and other public organizations.
This
 essay
,
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apply
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 discussed the reason and the effect of arranging these types of activities and its effect. One of the main reasons is that
,
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apply
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 they can publicize their activities. It helps them to provide their policies and how
its
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they
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functioning
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function
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to the public. We know that
,
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apply
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 many
small scale
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small-scale
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 and
large scale
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large-scale
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 industries are functioning in these types of trust. So,
while
 conducting
such
 programmes, society will
motivated
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be motivated
motivate
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 and
supported
Wrong verb form
support
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 them. And the second purpose is
fund raising
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fundraising
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. Money is very important to running anything. Even
it
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if it
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 is an organization and no one
have
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has
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 enough health or wealth to make revenue.
Therefore
,
this
 is a good opportunity
to
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for
show examples
 them. They can show their talents
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the people and earn income.
Therefor
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Therefore
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the
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apply
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special
days
 like
children’s
Capitalize word
Children’s
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day
Capitalize word
Day
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, world autism
day
, AIDS
day
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Day
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 and other
days
are provide
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provide
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good
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a good
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opportunity
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opportunities
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. There are many good effects relating to
this
 statement. The major effect is public awareness. For
an
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apply
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 these
organization
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organizations
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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conduct
programme
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programmes
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 coordinated with some institutions like schools or colleges. In
case
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this case
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,
seminar
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seminars
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 and
rally
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rallies
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or
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apply
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role play and other arts relating to the speciality of that
day
, not only the school children but
also
 the
adult
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adults
show examples
 should get some knowledge. To conclude, organizing the initiatives
in
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on
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 certain
days
are provide
Verb problem
has a
show examples
 good impact
to
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on
show examples
 the public
as well as
to
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apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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charities by providing good information
as well as
to earn
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earning
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 some money.
Submitted by fspt1234 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task response, ensure to fully address all parts of the task. The essay mentions reasons and effects of organizations publicizing their activities through special days, but the development of ideas could be more detailed. Including more specific examples and elaborating on how these special days directly impact both the organizations and the public would strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, concentrate on the logical flow of ideas through your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas for clarity. Additionally, transitions between ideas can be smoothed by employing a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will help your essay to flow more naturally from one point to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on enhancing the introduction and conclusion by clearly stating the essay topic and summarizing the main points and your stance in the conclusion. This not only presents a polished start and finish but also reinforces the overall argument of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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