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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #school #subjects #today’s #world #science #technology
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Some people are of the opinion that of the
school
 curriculums History is essential
in contrast
 to those who believe that science and technology are more important
due to
 modern days. Each subject has its own necessity both for students and society,
Thus
, I advocate for
middle-ground
Correct article usage
a middle-ground
show examples
 attitude.
To begin
 with,
schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
show examples
 first duty is to
proper
Correct your spelling
prepare
show examples
 pupils for the future by offering them a wide range of syllabes to study, in order to not only nurture the future workforce but
also
 to find their intentions and interests.
For instance
, I can remember the time I was keen on astronomy and wanted to be an astronaut
while
 I grew up, but
this
 particular subject wasn’t popular back
then
.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
this
 urge of mine has come
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 vanish.
On the other hand
, in modern days the pace of consuming information is beyond the imagination. If in the
school
 they put their most attention
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 these particular
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
, updating on sources and facilities in schools would be required to be caught on.
For example
, there
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a time back in the
school
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they offered computer science on our schedule at high
school
while
 they
had been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 trying to teach state-of-art courses, there were not any updated computers or other instruments to practice with. which led to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 forgotten. In conclusion,
while
 I agree with being up-to-date by
serve
Change the verb form
serving
show examples
 students cutting-edge knowledge like science or technology, I would say that all subjects are important to some extent,
hence
, a balanced approach is needed.  
Submitted by amirisoodabeh24 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Focus on developing your arguments further and providing more specific examples to support your views.
task achievement
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and aim to reduce the number of errors for greater clarity.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on how both views impact society and the individual to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly reflect the essay's content, providing a strong thesis statement and summarizing your standpoint effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Historical perspective
  • Analytical skills
  • Contextual understanding
  • Technological advancements
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • Innovation
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Job market
  • Climate crisis
  • Cultural identity
  • Critical thinking
  • Humanities
  • Contemporary issues
  • Integration
  • Tech-savvy
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