IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Another negative impact is a trend that can create a negative work environment. For example, although younger employees have an advantage over older workers in terms of adapting to new technologies, older people usually

#impact #trend #work #environment #employees #advantage #workers #terms #technologies #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Another negative impact is a trend that can create a negative work environment.
For example
,
although
 younger
employees
 have an advantage over older workers in terms of adapting to new technologies, older people usually hold higher positions and are paid higher salaries.
As a result
, young
employees
 may feel depressed and be ignored,
while
 older
employees
 will be under greater pressure because they fear losing their jobs. In terms of solutions, there are some methods the
government
 can take.
Firstly
, the
government
 can encourage older
employees
 to retire at a certain age. They are provided with retirement benefits and health care services after retiring.
This
 method will create more job opportunities for young people and minimize competition.
Secondly
, the
government
 should invest more in education and training programs for young
employees
 with less experience.
This
 will enhance their employability and competition in the job market. In conclusion, unemployment, crime, and toxic work environments are inevitable consequences of competition between younger workers and older
employees
.
Therefore
, the
government
 should apply the method mentioned to reduce these problems.
Submitted by weezel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Enhance your introduction by explicitly stating the essay topic and briefly summarizing your argument. Also, consider a more impactful conclusion that reinforces your main points and stance.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, try to develop your ideas further with more complex examples or clearer explanations of how your solutions would work in practice. This will help with the clarity and comprehensiveness of your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using varied transition words and phrases to better link your ideas and paragraphs. Aim for a clearer thematic progression throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: