IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are a current student of Loren Brusque University, studying Business Administration. You want to apply for the post of Quality Assurance Manager you have recently seen on the university's notice board. Write a letter to Mr. Walker, and ▪️Give your reason for writing ▪️Tell about your education ▪️Describe your work experience and explain why you would be suitable for the job.

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Dear Mr.Walker I am writing to apply for the position of
Quality
Use synonyms
 Assurance Manager that I have seen on Loren Brusque
university
Capitalize word
University
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 notice board recently where I am still educating in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 semester of Business Administration. Please find enclosed my CV for your consideration. As you can see from my attached CV, I have over two years of experience in
Use synonyms
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 control department of J&A Company as a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 expert
while
Linking Words
 educating
which
Correct word choice
and
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 I
have been
Wrong verb form
was
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 promoted to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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manager in the second year. I believe the experience and knowledge I built up during
this
Linking Words
 time
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 me perfectly eligible for the advertised position.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 I am being trained in
Use synonyms
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 assurance complement sub-class that I assume is a need for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 future career in
this
Linking Words
 field. In
a
Correct article usage
the
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 mentioned position I
have been
Wrong verb form
was
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 responsible for planning, controlling and assessing the products' qualities and we raised the
quality
Use synonyms
 by around 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in
this
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 period which
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
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 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in final income. I believe that I can bring
this
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 level of success to your organization and
mount
Verb problem
improve
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 the reputation of your company. With my previous
experience
Add a comma
experience,
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 I believe my contribution will have
immediate
Add an article
an immediate
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 impact on the business. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to meeting you to discuss my application
further
Linking Words
. Yours sincerely Afzal Ebrahimi

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Introduction and Purpose
1. Revise and refine your introduction by explicitly stating your purpose right at the beginning. Although it is obvious that you are applying for the Quality Assurance Manager position, a direct statement such as 'I am writing to express my interest in the position of Quality Assurance Manager...' would make it clearer and more compelling.
Detail and Evidence
2. Provide more specific examples of achievements or contributions in your previous role to strengthen your case. Instead of vaguely mentioning a 5 percent increase in quality, provide details on how your strategies or actions directly led to this improvement.
Flow and Coherence
3. Pay attention to the flow between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases or sentences to ensure a smoother transition and to maintain the coherence of your letter.
Closing
4. Consider closing your letter with a stronger call to action, such as expressing eagerness to discuss your application in an interview, rather than just looking forward to meeting. This makes your intent more assertive and determined.
Accuracy
5. Review your letter for minor spelling and grammar mistakes, as these can distract the reader from your main message. Accuracy in written communication is especially important for a Quality Assurance Manager role.
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