You are a current student of Loren Brusque University, studying Business Administration. You want to apply for the post of Quality Assurance Manager you have recently seen on the university's notice board. Write a letter to Mr. Walker, and ▪️Give your reason for writing ▪️Tell about your education ▪️Describe your work experience and explain why you would be suitable for the job.

#student #loren #brusque #university #business #administration #post #quality #assurance #manager #notice #board #mr #walker #▪️give #reason #▪️tell #education #▪️describe #work #job

Dear Mr.Walker I am writing to apply for the position of

Quality

Assurance Manager that I have seen on Loren Brusque

university

Capitalize word

University

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notice board recently where I am still educating in

last

Correct article usage

the last

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semester of Business Administration. Please find enclosed my CV for your consideration. As you can see from my attached CV, I have over two years of experience in

quality

Correct article usage

the quality

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control department of J&A Company as a

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

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expert

while

educating

which

Correct word choice

and

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have been

Wrong verb form

was

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promoted to

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

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manager in the second year. I believe the experience and knowledge I built up during

this

time

makes

Correct subject-verb agreement

make

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me perfectly eligible for the advertised position.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

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I am being trained in

quality

Correct article usage

the quality

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assurance complement sub-class that I assume is a need for

the

Correct article usage

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future career in

this

field. In

Correct article usage

the

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mentioned position I

have been

Wrong verb form

was

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responsible for planning, controlling and assessing the products' qualities and we raised the

quality

by around 5

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

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this

period which

leaded

Correct your spelling

led

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increase

Correct article usage

an increase

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in final income. I believe that I can bring

this

level of success to your organization and

mount

Verb problem

improve

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the reputation of your company. With my previous

experience

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experience,

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I believe my contribution will have

immediate

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an immediate

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impact on the business. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to meeting you to discuss my application

further

. Yours sincerely Afzal Ebrahimi

Submitted by keyhan454 on Tue Feb 27 2024

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Introduction and Purpose

1. Revise and refine your introduction by explicitly stating your purpose right at the beginning. Although it is obvious that you are applying for the Quality Assurance Manager position, a direct statement such as 'I am writing to express my interest in the position of Quality Assurance Manager...' would make it clearer and more compelling.

Detail and Evidence

2. Provide more specific examples of achievements or contributions in your previous role to strengthen your case. Instead of vaguely mentioning a 5 percent increase in quality, provide details on how your strategies or actions directly led to this improvement.

Flow and Coherence

3. Pay attention to the flow between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases or sentences to ensure a smoother transition and to maintain the coherence of your letter.

Closing

4. Consider closing your letter with a stronger call to action, such as expressing eagerness to discuss your application in an interview, rather than just looking forward to meeting. This makes your intent more assertive and determined.

Accuracy

5. Review your letter for minor spelling and grammar mistakes, as these can distract the reader from your main message. Accuracy in written communication is especially important for a Quality Assurance Manager role.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

221 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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