These days, school should focus more on producing young people who have the skills required to join the workforce, rather than focusing on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

It is widely accepted nowadays that
proffessions
Correct your spelling
professionals
need manpower who is
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
. In
this
regard
Add a comma
regard,
show examples
some believe that education should be based on these kinds of skills to introduce them to the actual job market rather than concentrating just on written and non-practical courses.
This
essay will argue
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how significantly it is important to have
talented
Correct article usage
a talented
show examples
and skilled workforce rather than
educated
Correct article usage
an educated
show examples
only. There are some
belifes
Correct your spelling
beliefs
point
Correct pronoun usage
that point
show examples
to the academic training of the students in schools and overwatch the importance of being skilled. these people justify that if there is no scientific
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
there will not be capabilities
derive
Wrong verb form
derived
show examples
from it.
For instance
, people who did not pursue university training are not able to participate in scientific disputes and seminars. They
also
believe if governments recruit only skilled people but
illiterate
Correct pronoun usage
illiterate ones
show examples
, the rate of innovation will fall down, as they mention that to be creative and innovative one needs to be academically educated. In a nutshell, they assume having
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
university
degrees
Fix the agreement mistake
degree
show examples
will be beneficial. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
other point
Change the wording
another point
other points
show examples
of view which
indicates
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicate
show examples
that what runs the economic
engins
Correct your spelling
engines
engine
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
workforce and schools should meticulously focus on the outcome which is
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
to perform well. They assume academic degree can not meet the
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
of the job market and
employers
Correct word choice
that employers
show examples
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
not
intended
Wrong verb form
intend
show examples
to hire
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unskilled
graduated
Replace the word
graduates
show examples
.
For instance
, they mention that if you utilize employees with insufficient skills but
academically
Add a missing verb
are academically
show examples
capable, they will not provide positive
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
for the company.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
they think employing unskilled employees will decrease the productivity in firms which brings about discontentment and
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
rate of income or at least
declining
Correct article usage
a declining
show examples
rate for the firm.
To sum up
, it is
nothworthy
Correct your spelling
noteworthy
to mention that not only skill and academic knowledge are highly important in companies but
also
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
pre-requisite for
entring
Correct your spelling
entering
show examples
the job market.
This
essay argued
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why skill is more important than academic subjects which have been taught in schools,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I strongly believe that talented and
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
employees are preferred by corporates these days as their perspective is high income.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on a more structured approach to organizing paragraphs. Begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting arguments, and conclude with a reinforcing or summarizing statement per paragraph.
Task Achievement
To improve task response, make sure to directly address the prompt in both the introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your opinion. Provide a balanced view if you're discussing both sides of the argument.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and real-world scenarios to support your arguments. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical correctness to maintain the professionalism and readability of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: