IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, school should focus more on producing young people who have the skills required to join the workforce, rather than focusing on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#school #focus #people #skills #workforce #subjects
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It is widely accepted nowadays that
proffessions
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professionals
 need manpower who is
skillful
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skilful
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
regard
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regard,
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 some believe that education should be based on these kinds of skills to introduce them to the actual job market rather than concentrating just on written and non-practical courses.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how significantly it is important to have
talented
Correct article usage
a talented
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 and skilled workforce rather than
educated
Correct article usage
an educated
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 only. There are some
belifes
Correct your spelling
beliefs
point
Correct pronoun usage
that point
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 to the academic training of the students in schools and overwatch the importance of being skilled. these people justify that if there is no scientific
trainings
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training
pieces of training
show examples
 there will not be capabilities
derive
Wrong verb form
derived
show examples
 from it.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who did not pursue university training are not able to participate in scientific disputes and seminars. They
also
Linking Words
 believe if governments recruit only skilled people but
illiterate
Correct pronoun usage
illiterate ones
show examples
, the rate of innovation will fall down, as they mention that to be creative and innovative one needs to be academically educated. In a nutshell, they assume having
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 university
degrees
Fix the agreement mistake
degree
show examples
 will be beneficial. There
are
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is
show examples
also
Linking Words
other point
Change the wording
another point
other points
show examples
 of view which
indicates
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicate
show examples
 that what runs the economic
engins
Correct your spelling
engines
engine
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 workforce and schools should meticulously focus on the outcome which is
ability
Add an article
the ability
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 to perform well. They assume academic degree can not meet the
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 of the job market and
employers
Correct word choice
that employers
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are
Verb problem
do
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 not
intended
Wrong verb form
intend
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 to hire
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unskilled
graduated
Replace the word
graduates
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they mention that if you utilize employees with insufficient skills but
academically
Add a missing verb
are academically
show examples
 capable, they will not provide positive
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 for the company.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they think employing unskilled employees will decrease the productivity in firms which brings about discontentment and
lower
Add an article
a lower
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 rate of income or at least
declining
Correct article usage
a declining
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 rate for the firm.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is
nothworthy
Correct your spelling
noteworthy
 to mention that not only skill and academic knowledge are highly important in companies but
also
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 pre-requisite for
entring
Correct your spelling
entering
show examples
 the job market.
This
Linking Words
 essay argued
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why skill is more important than academic subjects which have been taught in schools,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I strongly believe that talented and
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 employees are preferred by corporates these days as their perspective is high income.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on a more structured approach to organizing paragraphs. Begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting arguments, and conclude with a reinforcing or summarizing statement per paragraph.
Task Achievement
To improve task response, make sure to directly address the prompt in both the introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your opinion. Provide a balanced view if you're discussing both sides of the argument.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and real-world scenarios to support your arguments. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical correctness to maintain the professionalism and readability of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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