Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
When it comes to whether
kids
spending
their free Wrong verb form
spend
time
there are differeing
opinions on Correct your spelling
different
this
matter. A group
of people believe that kids
should use their free time
to participate in activities
with other kids
; However
, the other few individuals think that leisure time
should be spent alone. It is important to gain an understanding of both sides before framing an opinion. In this
essay, both the
views Correct article usage
apply
willl
be discussed followed by my opinion.
Admittedly, taking part in Correct your spelling
will
group
tasks does not come without limitations. One of its drawback
is the comparison between toddlers. Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
This
means, parents
or sometimes even kids
start comparing theirselves
with other Correct your spelling
themselves
children
in the community. This
can lead to low self esteem
in these young individuals. Add a hyphen
self-esteem
Apart from
this
, children
might start asking their parents
for things which they see with other kids
. This
may result in increased
financial burden on Correct article usage
an increased
parents
. To cite an example, One of my nieces was asking her parents
to buy her a smartphone because she saw that with ther
playmate. Correct your spelling
their
her
Moreover
, group
activities
can also
create unhealthy competition amongst
Change preposition
among
kids
. For instance
, my younger brother was envying
his friend just because that other guy was better than him in sports.
Wrong verb form
envied
Nevertheless
, despite the above disadvantages,I believe that its benefits supersedes
the drawbacks. Making Verb problem
outweigh
children
occupied in themselves can make them introverts in future. This
will also
make it difficult for kids
to communicate in a community in the near future. Working in groups improves children
's social and interpersonal skills. It creates a feeling of belongingness, brotherhood, and friendship in children
. Furthermore
, it also
teaches these young kids
the importance of relationships and how to nurture them. Whereas
, spending time
alone makes kids
lonely and resistant to create
any new relationships.
After considering both sides of Wrong verb form
creating
argument
, I am inclined to support Add an article
the argument
an argument
the
community Correct article usage
apply
activities
over spending time
with ownself
. I find the argument in Correct pronoun usage
myself
favor
of Change the spelling
favour
group
activities
more compelling. While
there are a few valid points against this
, I firmly believe that working in groups helps kids
to grow in all aspects.
To recapitulate, while
working in circles Correct word choice
apply
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
number
of benefits but Change the article
a number
the number
this
also
comes with a few demerits. I strongly believe that the positive that group
acts provides always outweigh
its drawbacks.Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score, first focus on enhancing your essay's structure. Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea and uses clear topic sentences to introduce that idea. This will enhance both coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While you've provided some examples, using more detailed and varied examples will enrich your essay and better showcase your point of view.
Task Achievement
Work on refining your introductions and conclusions to more explicitly present your arguments and summarise your stance. A clearer introductory paragraph that outlines the upcoming points and a conclusion that succinctly recaps the arguments will enhance your essay's effectiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged. This will not only improve the readability of your essay but also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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