Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
When it comes to whether
kids
Use synonyms
spending
their free Wrong verb form
spend
time
there are Use synonyms
differeing
opinions on Correct your spelling
different
this
matter. A Linking Words
group
of people believe that Use synonyms
kids
should use their free Use synonyms
time
to participate in Use synonyms
activities
with other Use synonyms
kids
; Use synonyms
However
, the other few individuals think that leisure Linking Words
time
should be spent alone. It is important to gain an understanding of both sides before framing an opinion. In Use synonyms
this
essay, both Linking Words
the
views Correct article usage
apply
willl
be discussed followed by my opinion.
Admittedly, taking part in Correct your spelling
will
group
tasks does not come without limitations. One of its Use synonyms
drawback
is the comparison between toddlers. Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
This
means, Linking Words
parents
or sometimes even Use synonyms
kids
start comparing Use synonyms
theirselves
with other Correct your spelling
themselves
children
in the community. Use synonyms
This
can lead to low Linking Words
self esteem
in these young individuals. Add a hyphen
self-esteem
Apart from
Linking Words
this
, Linking Words
children
might start asking their Use synonyms
parents
for things which they see with other Use synonyms
kids
. Use synonyms
This
may result in Linking Words
increased
financial burden on Correct article usage
an increased
parents
. To cite an example, One of my nieces was asking her Use synonyms
parents
to buy her a smartphone because she saw that with Use synonyms
ther
playmate. Correct your spelling
their
her
Moreover
, Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
activities
can Use synonyms
also
create unhealthy competition Linking Words
amongst
Change preposition
among
kids
. Use synonyms
For instance
, my younger brother Linking Words
was envying
his friend just because that other guy was better than him in sports.
Wrong verb form
envied
Nevertheless
, despite the above disadvantages,I believe that its benefits Linking Words
supersedes
the drawbacks. Making Verb problem
outweigh
children
occupied in themselves can make them introverts in future. Use synonyms
This
will Linking Words
also
make it difficult for Linking Words
kids
to communicate in a community in the near future. Working in groups improves Use synonyms
children
's social and interpersonal skills. It creates a feeling of belongingness, brotherhood, and friendship in Use synonyms
children
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, it Linking Words
also
teaches these young Linking Words
kids
the importance of relationships and how to nurture them. Use synonyms
Whereas
, spending Linking Words
time
alone makes Use synonyms
kids
lonely and resistant to Use synonyms
create
any new relationships.
After considering both sides of Wrong verb form
creating
argument
, I am inclined to support Add an article
the argument
an argument
the
community Correct article usage
apply
activities
over spending Use synonyms
time
with Use synonyms
ownself
. I find the argument in Correct pronoun usage
myself
favor
of Change the spelling
favour
group
Use synonyms
activities
more compelling. Use synonyms
While
there are a few valid points against Linking Words
this
, I firmly believe that working in groups helps Linking Words
kids
to grow in all aspects.
To recapitulate, Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
working in circles Correct word choice
apply
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
number
of benefits but Change the article
a number
the number
this
Linking Words
also
comes with a few demerits. I strongly believe that the positive that Linking Words
group
acts provides always Use synonyms
outweigh
its drawbacks.Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score, first focus on enhancing your essay's structure. Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea and uses clear topic sentences to introduce that idea. This will enhance both coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While you've provided some examples, using more detailed and varied examples will enrich your essay and better showcase your point of view.
Task Achievement
Work on refining your introductions and conclusions to more explicitly present your arguments and summarise your stance. A clearer introductory paragraph that outlines the upcoming points and a conclusion that succinctly recaps the arguments will enhance your essay's effectiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged. This will not only improve the readability of your essay but also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.