in many countries today, if people want to find works, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the dis advantages
In many lands nowadays, people have to go far from their
parents
and relationships to have a better job opportunities
. I think the benefits of Correct the article-noun agreement
better job opportunities
a better job opportunity
this
development totally outweigh the dasadvantages
. In Correct your spelling
disadvantages
this
essay, I will prove my point of view.
Firstly
, we can develop skills. By living lonely
, we will be more independent. Correct your spelling
alone
Therefore
, time managing skill
and Fix the agreement mistake
skills
money
managing skill
will be grown. We have to divide enough time for daily Fix the agreement mistake
skills
works
, relaxing and working by Fix the agreement mistake
work
ourself
. We Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
also
know about using money
wisely. Living far away from home
means we need to be independent in finance. For some people, they move far from home
to get job
which Add an article
a job
the job
have
a higher salary. They must earn Change the verb form
has
money
to keep living themselves and support their family. Hence
, we should learn spending
Change the verb form
to spend
money
for
our daily Change preposition
on
life
and helping Fix the agreement mistake
lives
parents'
Change noun form
parents
living
. Replace the word
live
In addition
, we can develop social experiences. We come to new friends so we get familiar with new friends, colleagues and neighbors. We will solve all things such
as homesick
, illness or conflict at work without our parent's Replace the word
homesickness
advices
. By coping with challenges, we will gain new experiences.
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
Secondly
, working at far distance s
helps us know family values. sometimes, we neglect our family Correct your spelling
distances
in
daily when we live with our family together. Our Change preposition
apply
parents
always take care of us from meals to even our career
. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
For example
, when we sick
, our Add a missing verb
are sick
parents
will promptly be there to take care of us. However
, living far from home
, we have to face to
challenges lonely. Especially getting Change preposition
apply
trouble
, we understand the family importance.
In conclusion, moving far away from Change preposition
into trouble
home
to find works bring us lots of advantages. We will become matured
people with Replace the word
mature
indenpences
. Correct your spelling
independence
Moreover
, we can know the family values to appreciateSubmitted by huyentrang712 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to diversify your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. This can involve combining shorter sentences into longer, more complex ones or using a variety of sentence starters.
Task Response
Work on developing a clear and concise thesis statement in your introduction. This will serve as a roadmap for the rest of your essay, helping to ensure that your argument is coherent and well-organized.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to state the main idea clearly, then develop it with supporting sentences.
Task Response
Include more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments. Personal anecdotes or statistical data can add depth to your essay and make your points more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review and correct minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance the overall readability of your essay.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...