in many countries today, if people want to find works, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the dis advantages

#countries #people #works #move #friends #families #development #dis

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In many lands nowadays, people have to go far from their

parents

Use synonyms

and relationships to have

a better job opportunities

Correct the article-noun agreement

better job opportunities

a better job opportunity

show examples

. I think the benefits of

this

Linking Words

development totally outweigh the

dasadvantages

Correct your spelling

disadvantages

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will prove my point of view.

Firstly

Linking Words

, we can develop skills. By living

lonely

Correct your spelling

alone

show examples

, we will be more independent.

Therefore

Linking Words

, time managing

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

and

money

Use synonyms

managing

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

will be grown. We have to divide enough time for daily

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

, relaxing and working by

ourself

Correct pronoun usage

ourselves

show examples

. We

also

Linking Words

know about using

money

Use synonyms

wisely. Living far away from

home

Use synonyms

means we need to be independent in finance. For some people, they move far from

home

Use synonyms

to get

job

Add an article

a job

the job

show examples

which

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a higher salary. They must earn

money

Use synonyms

to keep living themselves and support their family.

Hence

Linking Words

, we should learn

spending

Change the verb form

to spend

show examples

money

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

our daily

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and helping

Use synonyms

parents'

Change noun form

parents

show examples

living

Replace the word

live

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

, we can develop social experiences. We come to new friends so we get familiar with new friends, colleagues and neighbors. We will solve all things

such

Linking Words

homesick

Replace the word

homesickness

show examples

, illness or conflict at work without our parent's

advices

Change the wording

advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

show examples

. By coping with challenges, we will gain new experiences.

Secondly

Linking Words

, working at far

distance s

Correct your spelling

distances

show examples

helps us know family values. sometimes, we neglect our family

Change preposition

apply

show examples

daily when we live with our family together. Our

parents

Use synonyms

always take care of us from meals to even our

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, when we

sick

Add a missing verb

are sick

show examples

, our

parents

Use synonyms

will promptly be there to take care of us.

However

Linking Words

, living far from

home

Use synonyms

, we have to face

Change preposition

apply

show examples

challenges lonely. Especially getting

trouble

Change preposition

into trouble

show examples

, we understand the family importance. In conclusion, moving far away from

home

Use synonyms

to find works bring us lots of advantages. We will become

matured

Replace the word

mature

show examples

people with

indenpences

Correct your spelling

independence

Moreover

Linking Words

, we can know the family values to appreciate

Submitted by huyentrang712 on Thu Feb 29 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Try to diversify your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. This can involve combining shorter sentences into longer, more complex ones or using a variety of sentence starters.

Task Response

Work on developing a clear and concise thesis statement in your introduction. This will serve as a roadmap for the rest of your essay, helping to ensure that your argument is coherent and well-organized.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to state the main idea clearly, then develop it with supporting sentences.

Task Response

Include more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments. Personal anecdotes or statistical data can add depth to your essay and make your points more convincing.

Coherence and Cohesion

Review and correct minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance the overall readability of your essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

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in many countries today, if people want to find works, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the dis advantages

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

You use the local swimming pool often, and during one of your visits, you have encountered a problem.Write a letter to the manager.In your letter describe what the problem was tell what the swimming pool staff have done about it suggest your own solution to the problem.

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are it's causes and what solutions can be offered?

Air pollution in cities is growing at an alarming rate. What measures could be taken to address this problem?

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IN MANY CITIES TODAY MOST PEOPLE LIVE IN LARGE APARTMENT BLOCKS DOES THIS KIND OF ACCOMODATION HAVE MORE ADVANTAGES OR MORE DISADVANTAGES