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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The first pie chart compares the seven different usages of
energy
 in the average Australian household. The second pie chart gives information about the amount of
greenhouse
gas
 emission from the result of the different usages of
energy
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
referred
in
Change preposition
to in
show examples
 the first chart. It is noticeable that heating is by far the biggest usage of Australian household
energy
while
 cooling is the least,
Additionally
,
energy
 used in water heating would output
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
greenhouse
gas
 among all the usages. We can see that Australian people use their
energy
 most in heating and water heating, and they have a close percentage, at 42% and 30% respectively.
However
,
greenhouse
gas
 coming out from heating(15%) is less than the amount that comes from water heating(32%), only half. The proportion of
greenhouse
gas
comes
Correct pronoun usage
that comes
show examples
 out from refrigeration is close to that of heating, at 14%,
whearas
Correct your spelling
whereas
 7% of
energy
Add an article
the energy
show examples
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 in refrigeration.
Energy
 applied in cooling and lighting is extremely low, with 2% in cooling and 4% in lighting, in the meanwhile, they output the least
greenhouse
gas
. There is 15% of
energy
 used in other appliances,
while
this
 produces 28% of
greenhouse
gas
.
Submitted by victoriakayan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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