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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows in percentage term the charging patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows in percentage term the charging patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant
#percentage #term #patterns #access #technology #homes #uk #information #feature #comparisons
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The graph illustrates the changes in domestic
access
Use synonyms
 to
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 technology in homes in the UK over the period of 6 years. Based on the
overall
Linking Words
 data it’s clear that domestic
usage
Use synonyms
 of all modern technology significantly went up between 1996 and 2003.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the number of
CD
Use synonyms
 player
usage
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 remained the highest throughout
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the period,
while
Linking Words
 Internet
access
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend only in 1998/99. It is apparent from the charts,
there
Correct word choice
that there
show examples
 was a dramatic
rose
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 in Internet
access
Use synonyms
 from 10% to 45%, which
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 be recorded from 1998/99 to 2002/03.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the trend for home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 climbed up gradually from 30% in 1996/97 to 50% in 2002/03. The mobile phone started with the lowest percentage at 18%
usage
Use synonyms
 and fluctuated wildly;
however
Linking Words
, the trend
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
went up to just over 70%.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
CD
Use synonyms
 players
also
Linking Words
 gained about 23%, from 60% to 83% domestic
usage
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.
A
Change preposition
At a
show examples
 glance at the graph, phone
usage
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 surpassed home computers in 1998/99. In the beginning, the proportion of
CD
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 players was twice
higher
Correct word choice
as high
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than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 that of Internet
access
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. But the mobile phone takes account of modern equipment as an important part and nearly to the
CD
Use synonyms
 players.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words access, usage, cd with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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