Some people work for the same organization all their life. Others think that it is better towork for different organizations. Discuss both thiese views and give your own opinion.

Whilst some people prefer working for the same organization their entire adult life, others argue that it is better to work for different organizations. I firmly believe that it is better for a
person
's career to change organizations, and, remaining loyalty to a firm is unlikely to be rewarded in the form of promotion or bonuses. Whilst some people stick with a
company
they were first hired by,either
due to
a
percieved
Correct your spelling
perceived
sense of loyalty, or a sense of job security. A
peson
Correct your spelling
person
who is likely with a
company
for an extended period of time is unlikely to be laid off,
due to
the experience they have garnered over the years.
This
mixture of remaining loyal to the firm
along with
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
sense of ease, is what I believe,
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
some people stick with the
company
their entire life. A
person
puts their complete effort in their job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they are adequately compensated for their work, despite, putting in one-hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of their effort, if they are unlikely to observe any increase in compensation or promotion, they might be forced to move jobs to look for better
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
For instance
, my brother who was working at Dell in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States of America, had remained as a Junior Software Engineer for the past 4 years,
while
his peers have moved on to become either Senior Software Engineers or Project Leads,
this
troubled him deeply, so he inquired the same with the
company
's Human Representative(HR) and his manager, they both gave him an answer which left him unsatisfied, but on deeper questioning he found out, that he was being paid less than his peers and was not being promoted because the work that he was accomplishing was far greater than what others were achieving, so they wanted to keep him at that position to exploit him as much as possible.
Him
Correct pronoun usage
His
show examples
remaining loyal to the
company
and not searching for other job
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
him down
this
path. In conclusion,
although
working at the same firm throughout a
person
's adult life might seem like a great option, rather it is likely to slow down a
person
's career and they may not be equally compensated for
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
remaining loyal to the
company
.
Submitted by duttpavan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and concise introduction, body, and conclusion. It's important for the reader to understand your argument from the beginning and follow it throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all main points are well supported with relevant examples or explanations. While the example of your brother's situation is compelling, strive for a more balanced discussion by bringing in contrasting viewpoints and supporting them adequately.
coherence cohesion
Be careful of typographical and grammatical errors, as they can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your essay. Proofreading can greatly improve your final piece.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task equally, ensuring that you discuss different viewpoints thoroughly before presenting your own perspective. It's key to show a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
While providing examples, also incorporate analytical insights that show a deeper understanding of why and how different options might be beneficial or detrimental. This will enhance the comprehensiveness of your ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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