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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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the line graph depicts global
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in 3 different sectors between 1900 and 2000,
whereas
Linking Words
 the table compares specific data about
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in Brazil and Congo in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 agriculture by
for
Correct your spelling
far
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 was the biggest contributor to
water
Use synonyms
 use
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other sources. By looking at
Correct article usage
the chart’s
show examples
chart’s
Correct article usage
the chart’s
show examples
 details, we can observe that in the early
1900
Fix the agreement mistake
1900s
show examples
 industrial and domestic use of
water
Use synonyms
 was
Change the word
significantly
show examples
significant
Replace the word
significantly
show examples
 less than
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 of As shown in the line chart, agriculture has exhibited stable growth from 500 km3 in 1900 to over 1000 km3 in 1950. Not surprisingly, during a period from 1950 to
2000
Add a comma
2000,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure experienced a massive growth by around 2000 KM3.
Additionally
Linking Words
, domestic and
water
Use synonyms
 use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 near zero,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 by
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 the figure
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 about 100km3 and 600km3, respectively. By looking at the table number,
it is clear that
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 Brazil with
population
Add an article
a population
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 of 176 million people consumed 50
this
Linking Words
 as Congo with
population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
5
Change preposition
of 5
show examples
million people.
Finally
Linking Words
, Brazilian per capita
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 stood at 8 m3
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with 359 m3 of Congo. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
char
Correct your spelling
chart
show examples
 clearly shows how
water
Use synonyms
 utilization has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed, and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 us an example to compare
this
Linking Words
 issue in two certain
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the world.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, consumption, km with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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