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Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their families and friends for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #move #families #friends #work #development
In the era of
globalization
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globalization,
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 many people choose to pursue their career in another country far away from their friends and families.
Although
this
 trend has many drawbacks, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
 with, if an employee has the opportunity to work abroad, it can be a great chance to immerse in a completely new culture
,
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apply
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 and utilize his or her language knowledge.
Besides
this
, if the job destination is **non-English** speaking country, but the firm is worldwide, the individual can **begin learning** a new language, expanding one’s knowledge.
Additionally
,
this
 can be beneficial for the company too, because it facilitates the cultural diversity inside the firm, and
also
 a foreign employee can bring new ideas and innovations outside the borders.
However
, the fact that the employee is from abroad, can
arise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 several issues for both the worker and the employer too.
For example
, the foreigner can have the feeling of being constantly an outsider in the eyes of the local residents and employers.
Nonetheless
, it can be extremely hard to fit
in
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into
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 an utterly new and different environment,
understand
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and understand
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 its cultural rules,
not to mention
 being far away from friends and families,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can result in the feeling of homesickness. In terms of the employer, it can be much harder to train a foreigner than a local applier, and for some **companies, it might** **be
an
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apply
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important to employ only
domestic
Correct article usage
a domestic
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 workforce.**
To conclude
, working in another nation is becoming more and more popular for some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one has to be aware
its
Change preposition
of its
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 drawbacks and challenges.
However
, I still believe that
this
 opportunity brings more benefits than damages.
Submitted by rkerkovits on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on the issue, which you have done effectively. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your argument, reinforcing your initial stance.
Task Achievement
In the body paragraphs, introduce each main point with a clear topic sentence. Develop each point with specific examples, ensuring relevance to the question prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical manner, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that explore both advantages and disadvantages, and ending with a conclusion. This structure is present and appropriately applied in your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay. Consider varying these connectors to avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
To further improve, consider expanding on your examples with more detailed explanations or personal experiences. This can enhance the relatability and depth of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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