IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their families and friends for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #move #families #friends #work #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the era of
globalization
Add a comma
globalization,
show examples
 many people choose to pursue their career in another country far away from their friends and families.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend has many drawbacks, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if an employee has the opportunity to work abroad, it can be a great chance to immerse in a completely new culture
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and utilize his or her language knowledge.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, if the job destination is **non-English** speaking country, but the firm is worldwide, the individual can **begin learning** a new language, expanding one’s knowledge.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be beneficial for the company too, because it facilitates the cultural diversity inside the firm, and
also
Linking Words
 a foreign employee can bring new ideas and innovations outside the borders.
However
Linking Words
, the fact that the employee is from abroad, can
arise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 several issues for both the worker and the employer too.
For example
Linking Words
, the foreigner can have the feeling of being constantly an outsider in the eyes of the local residents and employers.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it can be extremely hard to fit
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 an utterly new and different environment,
understand
Correct word choice
and understand
show examples
 its cultural rules,
not to mention
Linking Words
 being far away from friends and families,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can result in the feeling of homesickness. In terms of the employer, it can be much harder to train a foreigner than a local applier, and for some **companies, it might** **be
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
important to employ only
domestic
Correct article usage
a domestic
show examples
 workforce.**
To conclude
Linking Words
, working in another nation is becoming more and more popular for some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one has to be aware
its
Change preposition
of its
show examples
 drawbacks and challenges.
However
Linking Words
, I still believe that
this
Linking Words
 opportunity brings more benefits than damages.
Submitted by rkerkovits on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on the issue, which you have done effectively. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your argument, reinforcing your initial stance.
Task Achievement
In the body paragraphs, introduce each main point with a clear topic sentence. Develop each point with specific examples, ensuring relevance to the question prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical manner, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that explore both advantages and disadvantages, and ending with a conclusion. This structure is present and appropriately applied in your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay. Consider varying these connectors to avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
To further improve, consider expanding on your examples with more detailed explanations or personal experiences. This can enhance the relatability and depth of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: