IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into cities. Why do you think this happen? What problems can this cause.

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In most of the underdeveloped nations. We see an increasing trend of
labor
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labour
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 from the countryside to the urban
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centers
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centres
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. In my view, there are two main causes of it. One of the primary causes is industrial development in main urban
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 generating employment opportunities. The other cause is
cities
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 have better educational institutes and health care
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centers
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centres
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. Industries in developing countries are mainly found in major
cities
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.
Due to
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fact
Correct article usage
the fact
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 the rural areas are not
much
Rephrase
very
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 developed,
subsequently
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, having
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
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 employment opportunities.
Furthermore
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, per capita income in
cities
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 is way higher than
their
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in their
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 rural counterparts.
This
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 unequal distribution attracts people
of
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from
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 the countryside to move towards the major
cities
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 of the country.
Moreover
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,
infrastructure
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the infrastructure
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 of
cities
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 including transportation
also
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 got upgraded near the industries to facilitate the workers. One of the other reasons is that the
cities
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 have good quality
of
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apply
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educational facilities. The universities located in urban
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centers
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centres
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 are equipped with better infrastructure, teachers and supporting facilities.
Therefore
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, every person
desire
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desires
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 that his/her child will get
education
Correct article usage
an education
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 from the top institutes of the country.
On the other hand
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,
Cities
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 have the best hospitals
of
Change preposition
in
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 the country. Which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 citizens feel more secure to live in urban areas.
Furthermore
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, rural
area
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areas
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 do not have the
facility
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facilities
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 and equipment to treat some fatal diseases so they transfer their patients towards the big hospitals located in main urban
centers
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.
To conclude
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, Countryside people in less developed nations migrate to main
cities
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 to have access to employment opportunities and can provide their children with better educational and
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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 facilities.

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coherence cohesion
Provide a variety of complex sentence structures and aim for consistency in verb tense usage to improve clarity.
task achievement
It's beneficial to include specific examples or data to support your main points; this adds depth and credibility to your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, strive for stronger opening sentences and more dynamic concluding remarks to make your essay stand out.
task achievement
Carefully proofread your essay to avoid grammatical errors and ensure that each paragraph develops a single idea fully.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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