the graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patters of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feaures and make comparisons where relevant.

#percentage #terms #patters #access #technology #homes #uk #information #feaures #comparisons

The line chart illustrates the variation in local

acess

Correct your spelling

access

to modern technology in

household

Fix the agreement mistake

households

show examples

in the UK in percentage valves.

Overall

, during the study period of 1996 to 2003, access to all three contemporary technical devices, CD player, mobile

phones

and

home

computers increased ,with a dramatic

rose

Correct your spelling

rise

show examples

in mobile

phones

. Other than that , internet

acess

Correct your spelling

access

also

followed the same trend as mobile

phones

form

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

1998. In detail,

home

computer and CD player usage increased gradually in the study

periog

Correct your spelling

period

with approximately

Correct article usage

a 20

show examples

% hike in

its'

Correct your spelling

its

show examples

access.

However

mobile

phones

Fix the agreement mistake

phone

show examples

acess

Correct your spelling

access

increased significantly

Change preposition

show examples

nearly 50% during the same time with little fluctuations in the middle but with

Change the article

show examples

upward trend. In comparison mobile

phones

were used only slightly less than 20% in 1996/1997,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

whereas

home

computers were utilized by nearly 30% in the same year.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

in 2002/

2003

Add a comma

2003,

show examples

nearly 70% had domestic

acess

Correct your spelling

access

to mobile

phones

while

nearly 55% had a

home

computer.

Submitted by dinaka0001 on Thu Mar 07 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words acess, phones, home with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

154 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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the graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patters of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feaures and make comparisons where relevant.

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that providing arms to police will lead to state violence, while others feel that it is essential to maintain law and order. Will the arming of police actually lead to violence and state terrorism? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?