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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The charts illustrate the
UK
Use synonyms
 graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who did not go to
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 after graduating in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who did voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 and unemployment
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 lower compared to the
students
Use synonyms
 who did part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 graduates shows most of them focus on
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 with a total of 29,655
students
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
students
Use synonyms
 who did part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
 were quite similar with 17,735 and 16,235 respectively. Voluntary
work
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the lowest among the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 with 3500
students
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
UK
Use synonyms
 postgraduates almost had the same percentage
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 graduates
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Most of them went
to
Change preposition
on to
show examples
 take
further
Linking Words
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 with a total of 2,725
students
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
students
Use synonyms
 who had part-time
work
Use synonyms
 after they graduated were under the
students
Use synonyms
 who took
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 with a total of 2,535
students
Use synonyms
. Whilst, unemployment and voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 were the lowest among the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, students, work, study with synonyms.
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