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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #time #part #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
provied
Correct your spelling
provided
 picture shows the comparison between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
further
Linking Words
 education
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 working
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 during the three different types of
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 in Britain.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are flactuation for people who work
as apart
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
working as
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. It is clearly seen that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
jod
Correct your spelling
job
 had increased significantly from the left to right side of the graph.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in the middle
1970
Change preposition
of 1970
show examples
, the trend
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined to less than a
hundread
Correct your spelling
hundred
. Starting at the first period of the recorded in 1970 to 1990, the percentage
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
surged considerably, and dropped down in the
yaer
Correct your spelling
year
 of 1970. The next
year
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rebounded back to above
over
Rephrase
apply
show examples
200% and
continuous
Replace the word
continued
show examples
 to almost 300 in the period of 1990. In terms of people who work as a
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
jod
Correct your spelling
job
 were much more popular than the full
time
Use synonyms
. The percentage stood at a very high which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 1000%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first
year
Use synonyms
. The fluctuation
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
went down to over 800% in the next
year
Use synonyms
 and came a little bit back in 1990, and they
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 repeating it for another three years. Ultimately the
lasy
Correct your spelling
last
year
Use synonyms
, they reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a peak at almost 1200%.
Submitted by piasnatcha09 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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