It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays senior leaders in an organisation have high remuneration compared to other staff in the same company. I believe that it is essential for
business
development.
This
essay will delve into my viewpoint with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, the people in the higher management positions have more responsibilities and risks compared to
ordinery
Correct your spelling
ordinary
employees
in
business
establishments,
therefore
, they are eligible to be paid more remuneration. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, experienced senior management people have to work
effeciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
for sustaining
Change preposition
to sustain
show examples
in the contemporary
high-competative
Correct your spelling
high-competitive
business
world.
For example
, directors of a company have a significant role
to formulate
Change preposition
in formulating
show examples
company strategies, which is imperative for the growth of the
business
.
Similarly
,
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
show examples
of
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
institutions
Fix the agreement mistake
institution
show examples
are always, undeniably, under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure as their decision would positively or negatively
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the organisation.
Furthermore
,
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior
managment
Correct your spelling
management
positions
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
other employee
Change the wording
another employee
other employees
show examples
to work hard
for upgrading
Change preposition
to upgrade
show examples
their career profile. In detail, different levels of payment would enable the
competation
Correct your spelling
competition
among the
employees
which is essential for
business
development.
For example
, several organisations around the globe subscribe
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
idea
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to promote
Change preposition
of promoting
show examples
their
employees
based on performance evaluation
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
,
therefore
,
employees
would work smartly to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
highly paid senior positions.
In addition
, the senior
leaders
Change to a genitive case
leader's
leaders'
show examples
expenses might be higher than normal
employees
. To exemplify, they would have to pay more money for formal
clothings
Change the wording
clothing
items of clothing
articles of clothing
show examples
to attend
business
meetings and conferences. In conclusion, since senior leaders have more responsibilities and expenses, they should be paid more salary. I believe that different remuneration
structure
Fix the agreement mistake
structures
show examples
would motivate
employees
to work hard.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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structure
Consider carefully structuring your essay with a clearer introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part should distinctly serve its purpose: introduce the topic, elaborate on your arguments, and conclude your stance.
examples
Your main points could be more clearly supported by detailed examples. Try to include more specific and relevant examples to substantiate your arguments, making them more persuasive.
clarity
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is explored in depth. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to clarify their main focus.
accuracy
Watch for typos and spelling mistakes (
language use
Work on the accuracy and variety in your use of language, including grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation. This will enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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