People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

#people #drinks #drink #consumption

this

contemporary era, more citizens

inclined

Add a missing verb

are inclined

show examples

drink

sweetened beverages unprecedentedly.

Main

Correct article usage

The main

show examples

causes of

this

can be considered as

addictive

Correct article usage

the addictive

show examples

nature of

sugar

and worldwide advertisement campaigns using celebrities and well-known sports personnel.

This

could lead to numerous health complications. In order to minimize

this

government should regulate the beverage industry.

This

essay discusses

causes

Correct article usage

the causes

show examples

of why sugary

drinks

are popular and measures to limit the harmful effects.

Overall

, there are many reasons for sugary

drink

consumption.

Sugar

is a substance which is addictive in nature as per many research.

Further

, advertising campaigns used by multinational companies for these products are quite influential and use the most popular celebrities and sports stars.

For example

, there was a time when Coca-Cola Kola used Michel Jackson in their advertisement and all

Michel

Change preposition

of Michel

show examples

Jackson's followers and fans were inclined to consume Coke. Convenience is another factor. As these

drinks

are ready to

drink

as they are purchased and can be purchased from every corner of the country, consumption of these

drinks

can be unconscious. Irrespective of the reason, high usage of

sugar

could lead to detrimental health issues

such

as non-communicable diseases,

canser

Correct your spelling

cancer

and obesity. In order to minimize the danger of

this

phenomenon, most importantly, the Government should regulate the soft

drink

industry with limitations to the sucrose content per given quantity.

Also

, society should be educated about the repercussions of

this

habit. Banners on the consequences of high

sugar

intake can be published on vending machines so that unconscious purchases will be reduced. In conclusion,

although

due to

the smoothing taste and substantial promotions, the popularity of

sugar based

Add a hyphen

sugar-based

show examples

drinks

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

high, with government intervention and proper communication of health hazards, consumption of it should be minimized

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not completely stopped.

Submitted by sajee_5 on Fri Mar 08 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure the essay follows a clear logical structure, presenting your argument, supporting it with relevant examples, and concluding it effectively. You've managed this well, but aim for even tighter cohesion between ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

In your introduction and conclusion, clearly state your thesis and summarize your argument concisely. You’ve done this, but refining your opening and closing statements can make your position even stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion

When introducing main points in your essay, make sure to support them with specific, relevant examples. You’ve included examples, like the Coca-Cola advertisement, but expanding on these with more detailed analysis or additional examples could enhance your argument.

Task Achievement

Address the task directly by answering all parts of the question in a balanced way. You've covered why sugary drinks are popular and suggested measures to reduce their consumption, which matches the task requirement well. For further improvement, consider exploring each aspect with equal depth.

Task Achievement

Clarify your ideas with comprehensive elaboration. You’ve established clear points about the appeal of sugary drinks and potential interventions. To elevate your essay, delve deeper into the implications of these ideas and how they interact.

Task Achievement

Use specific examples to ground your argument in reality. The Michael Jackson Coca-Cola example effectively illustrates the influence of advertising. Continue to use such specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument across the board.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.