People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

#people #drinks #drink #consumption

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this

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contemporary era, more citizens

inclined

Add a missing verb

are inclined

show examples

drink

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sweetened beverages unprecedentedly.

Main

Correct article usage

The main

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causes of

this

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can be considered as

addictive

Correct article usage

the addictive

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nature of

sugar

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and worldwide advertisement campaigns using celebrities and well-known sports personnel.

This

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could lead to numerous health complications. In order to minimize

this

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government should regulate the beverage industry.

This

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essay discusses

causes

Correct article usage

the causes

show examples

of why sugary

drinks

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are popular and measures to limit the harmful effects.

Overall

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, there are many reasons for sugary

drink

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consumption.

Sugar

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is a substance which is addictive in nature as per many research.

Further

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, advertising campaigns used by multinational companies for these products are quite influential and use the most popular celebrities and sports stars.

For example

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, there was a time when Coca-Cola Kola used Michel Jackson in their advertisement and all

Michel

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of Michel

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Jackson's followers and fans were inclined to consume Coke. Convenience is another factor. As these

drinks

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are ready to

drink

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as they are purchased and can be purchased from every corner of the country, consumption of these

drinks

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can be unconscious. Irrespective of the reason, high usage of

sugar

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could lead to detrimental health issues

such

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as non-communicable diseases,

canser

Correct your spelling

cancer

and obesity. In order to minimize the danger of

this

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phenomenon, most importantly, the Government should regulate the soft

drink

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industry with limitations to the sucrose content per given quantity.

Also

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, society should be educated about the repercussions of

this

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habit. Banners on the consequences of high

sugar

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intake can be published on vending machines so that unconscious purchases will be reduced. In conclusion,

although

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due to

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the smoothing taste and substantial promotions, the popularity of

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sugar based

Add a hyphen

sugar-based

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drinks

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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high, with government intervention and proper communication of health hazards, consumption of it should be minimized

Unnecessary verb

apply

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not completely stopped.

Submitted by sajee_5 on Fri Mar 08 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure the essay follows a clear logical structure, presenting your argument, supporting it with relevant examples, and concluding it effectively. You've managed this well, but aim for even tighter cohesion between ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

In your introduction and conclusion, clearly state your thesis and summarize your argument concisely. You’ve done this, but refining your opening and closing statements can make your position even stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion

When introducing main points in your essay, make sure to support them with specific, relevant examples. You’ve included examples, like the Coca-Cola advertisement, but expanding on these with more detailed analysis or additional examples could enhance your argument.

Task Achievement

Address the task directly by answering all parts of the question in a balanced way. You've covered why sugary drinks are popular and suggested measures to reduce their consumption, which matches the task requirement well. For further improvement, consider exploring each aspect with equal depth.

Task Achievement

Clarify your ideas with comprehensive elaboration. You’ve established clear points about the appeal of sugary drinks and potential interventions. To elevate your essay, delve deeper into the implications of these ideas and how they interact.

Task Achievement

Use specific examples to ground your argument in reality. The Michael Jackson Coca-Cola example effectively illustrates the influence of advertising. Continue to use such specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument across the board.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

Fully explain your ideas

Internet has advantages and disadvantages.Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it is important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, many employees lack soft skill such as communication and working in the teams. What are the main causes of this problem? What are the effects of the lack of such skills ?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?