IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #management #positions #companies #salaries #employees #company #organization
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Some
people
 think occupations in
corparations
Correct your spelling
corporations
 which
includes
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include
show examples
high
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
level
management
 skills as job
description
Fix the agreement mistake
descriptions
show examples
 should have large salary budgets. I totally agree with
this
 statement because of the responsibility these positions require and the
stress
level
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 to
people
. One reason why I think employees who
works
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work
show examples
 in high-
level
management
depertments
Correct your spelling
departments
 in corporations should have
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 incomes than
others
 is that they have extended responsibility compared to
others
. Positions
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
management
releated
Correct your spelling
related
 actions have to make everything perfect because of their subject area, they are responsible
from
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for
show examples
 other employee's actions.
Thus
, if something goes wrong unexpectedly, everyone, especially the company itself thinks it is
due to
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of managing quality that
branch
Correct article usage
the branch
show examples
 has.
For instance
, a data leak in the company by someone can damage the company and through the organisation's eyes, the one to blame is always the supervisor of the leaker.
Other
Correct quantifier usage
Another
show examples
 reason that I think the
stress
level
 one has to deal with at a certain occupation in their job should be paid
as well as
 other skills. Usually,
high
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
level
 jobs
comes
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come
show examples
 with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
diffulties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
, and considering the fact that we
work
 to earn money, I think
this
 kind of
work
 should be paid
as
Change preposition
for as
show examples
 well. Both the high
level
 of responsibility and
helding
Correct your spelling
holding
 multiple areas and ensuring they
work
 as they should
be create
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create
show examples
 an anxiety-friendly
environenment
Correct your spelling
environment
environments
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 ones who try to overcome
this
 burden. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
any kind of problem may appear anytime and anywhere, and
this
uncertainity
Correct your spelling
uncertainty
 makes
people
 produce
stress
hormon
Correct your spelling
hormone
hormones
 more. Regular employees only have to do specific tasks and when the task is achieved, they do not have to
stress
 about it.
However
, managers constantly have
stress
 because
work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
 is usually dynamic and nearly every day there are new things to be done.
According to
Work
Correct article usage
a Work
show examples
Heatlh
Correct your spelling
Health
 survey,
for instance
, 80% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high-
level
 managers
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more likely to use psychiatric drugs for the
stress
level
 they have
while
this
 proportion is considerably lower for
people
 who need to meet defined tasks.
To conclude
, I believe
people
 who are responsible for
management
 of the certain branches in a
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 should be paid more than
others
 because they have more
stress
 and
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 than
others
, and
therefore
 their salary should be higher than
them
Correct pronoun usage
theirs
show examples
.
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task achievement
Improve the use of specific examples to support your arguments. While you've provided general insights, integrating real-world scenarios or more precise case studies could strengthen the impact of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your essay's coherence by linking ideas more explicitly. You could use transitional phrases or sentences that guide the reader from one argument to the next, ensuring a smoother narrative flow.
coherence and cohesion
Work on developing a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas. While your essay communicates the main points effectively, the use of varied language can make your argument more compelling.
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