IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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 think occupations in
corparations
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corporations
 which
includes
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include
show examples
high
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high-level
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level
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management
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 skills as job
description
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descriptions
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 should have large salary budgets. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because of the responsibility these positions require and the
stress
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level
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 to
people
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. One reason why I think employees who
works
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work
show examples
 in high-
level
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management
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depertments
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departments
 in corporations should have
high
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higher
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 incomes than
others
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 is that they have extended responsibility compared to
others
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. Positions
which
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in which
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
management
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releated
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related
 actions have to make everything perfect because of their subject area, they are responsible
from
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for
show examples
 other employee's actions.
Thus
Linking Words
, if something goes wrong unexpectedly, everyone, especially the company itself thinks it is
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of managing quality that
branch
Correct article usage
the branch
show examples
 has.
For instance
Linking Words
, a data leak in the company by someone can damage the company and through the organisation's eyes, the one to blame is always the supervisor of the leaker.
Other
Correct quantifier usage
Another
show examples
 reason that I think the
stress
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level
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 one has to deal with at a certain occupation in their job should be paid
as well as
Linking Words
 other skills. Usually,
high
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high-level
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level
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 jobs
comes
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come
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 with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
diffulties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
, and considering the fact that we
work
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 to earn money, I think
this
Linking Words
 kind of
work
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 should be paid
as
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for as
show examples
 well. Both the high
level
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 of responsibility and
helding
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holding
 multiple areas and ensuring they
work
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 as they should
be create
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create
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 an anxiety-friendly
environenment
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environment
environments
to
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for
show examples
 ones who try to overcome
this
Linking Words
 burden. So
that
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apply
show examples
any kind of problem may appear anytime and anywhere, and
this
Linking Words
uncertainity
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uncertainty
 makes
people
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 produce
stress
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hormon
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hormone
hormones
 more. Regular employees only have to do specific tasks and when the task is achieved, they do not have to
stress
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 about it.
However
Linking Words
, managers constantly have
stress
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 because
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work place
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the workplace
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 is usually dynamic and nearly every day there are new things to be done.
According to
Linking Words
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Work
Correct article usage
a Work
show examples
Heatlh
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Health
 survey,
for instance
Linking Words
, 80% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high-
level
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 managers
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more likely to use psychiatric drugs for the
stress
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level
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 they have
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 proportion is considerably lower for
people
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 who need to meet defined tasks.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe
people
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 who are responsible for
management
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 of the certain branches in a
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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 should be paid more than
others
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 because they have more
stress
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 and
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 than
others
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, and
therefore
Linking Words
 their salary should be higher than
them
Correct pronoun usage
theirs
show examples
.

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task achievement
Improve the use of specific examples to support your arguments. While you've provided general insights, integrating real-world scenarios or more precise case studies could strengthen the impact of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your essay's coherence by linking ideas more explicitly. You could use transitional phrases or sentences that guide the reader from one argument to the next, ensuring a smoother narrative flow.
coherence and cohesion
Work on developing a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas. While your essay communicates the main points effectively, the use of varied language can make your argument more compelling.
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