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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The graphs display data for the
types
Use synonyms
 of
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 purchased by
people
Use synonyms
 in Britain
according to
Linking Words
 sex and age.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that male has a higher tendency to buy the
types
Use synonyms
 of
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 rather than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 25-34 bought the
types
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 of
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 more than other groups except Classical
Music
Use synonyms
, which were purchased
moset
Correct your spelling
mostly
 by 45+
people
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Pop
music
Use synonyms
 was most popular in three different
types
Use synonyms
 of
music
Use synonyms
album
Fix the agreement mistake
albums
show examples
. 16-24 and 25-34 were two groups
purchased
Correct pronoun usage
that purchased
show examples
 most
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 type of
music
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
albums
Fix the agreement mistake
album
show examples
 with 34% for the former and 36% for the latter. Following
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44 and 45+
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 approximately 30% and 8% respectively. If we look at Rock
music
Use synonyms
, the trend
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 similar. Moving on to the other categories, 20%
45+
Change preposition
of 45+
show examples
people
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
purchased
puchased
Correct your spelling
purchased
 Classical
music
Use synonyms
Submitted by lethithut123 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words types, music, albums, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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