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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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It is argued that
students
Use synonyms
 should focus on their main major
instead
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 of trying to learn other
subjects
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additionally
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. In my opinion, I believe the broader intellectual scope, the more opportunities in the future. There are two vital reasons for university
students
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 to spend their entire time paying attention to their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
Firstly
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, studying
subjects
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 which are not included in the educational curriculum could divert valuable resources.
For example
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, it is nonsensical to take time to practice anatomy
while
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 majoring in business administration.
Furthermore
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, these
subjects
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also
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 make no improvement
for
Change preposition
in
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 doing jobs in their majors.
Secondly
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, trying a lot of things at the same time can lead to losing orientation. It is usually described as “jack-of-all-trades, master of none”. Obviously,
a
Correct word choice
if a
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master-of-none makes no value in the market
then
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 the consequence of failure is easy to predict.
However
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, the benefits of a broader intellectual scope are undeniable. The demands of employers now require more and more highly intellectual
students
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 to join the market thanks to the development of economics and society. A clear case of
this
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 is in the field of law, an expert lawyer in mergers and acquisitions will
not
Add a missing verb
have not
show examples
 only
need
Verb problem
have
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the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 understanding
about
Change preposition
of
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 the legal framework but
also
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about
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of
show examples
 the business strategy.
Moreover
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, globalization
also
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 creates a trend in multidisciplinary coordination that asks for interaction and interdependence between spheres.
Therefore
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, it is essential for
students
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 to arm themselves with transdisciplinary cornerstones for the future. In conclusion, I believe learning a wide range of
subjects
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 will be crucial for university
students
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 to be well-prepared to become the future
labor
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labour
show examples
 force.
Submitted by ntbang25 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure you are fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Add more specific examples to support your opinions and arguments fully.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider linking your ideas more closely together within and across paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words to create smoother transitions and make your argument flow more seamlessly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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