The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
The chart shows changes
of
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in
show examples
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the precentage
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precentage
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percentage
of residents of Australia, who were born inside and outside of Australia in
diferent arears
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different areas
,
such
as rural, towns and cities. the most striking
difirence betwen
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difference between
two
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the two
show examples
ginig periods are dramatical decrease
of
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in
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outsiders in rural areas, back in 1995 there were more
forigners
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foreigners
in rural parts by
procentege
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percentage
then
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than
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people born on
australian
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Australian
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soil.
while
nowadays
this
social group
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has almoust
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almoust
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almost
gone extinct. Now
tonly
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only
somewhere around 10
procent
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per cent
of
forigners
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foreigners
living
Wrong verb form
live
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in rural areas. another major alteration
overall
rise in urban population .
in
Capitalize word
In
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1995 only a
litlle
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little
bit more
then
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than
show examples
60
procent
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per cent
of
forigners
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foreigners
and somewhere around 70
procent
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per cent
of locals lived in cities and towns, recently it jumped to more
then
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than
show examples
90
procent
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per cent
of
forigners
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foreigners
and
almoust
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almost
80
procent
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per cent
of locals.
Moreover
,
population
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the population
show examples
of small towns
also
Add a missing verb
has also
show examples
seen a decline. It declined
2 fold
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2fold
in both given categories.
therefore
, the only
condtantly
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constantly
constant
rising social group are
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
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population, in both cases it
risen
Add the auxiliary verb
rose
has risen
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
somwhere
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somewhere
around 20
procent
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per cent
. From 50 to 70 and from 70 to more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
80
respectavly
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respectively
.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 68%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words forigners, procent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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