The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
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The chart shows changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the precentage
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precentage
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percentage
of residents of Australia, who were born inside and outside of Australia in
diferent arears
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different areas
,
such
Linking Words
as rural, towns and cities. the most striking
difirence betwen
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difference between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
ginig periods are dramatical decrease
of
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in
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outsiders in rural areas, back in 1995 there were more
Use synonyms
forigners
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foreigners
in rural parts by
procentege
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percentage
Linking Words
then
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than
show examples
people born on
australian
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Australian
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soil.
while
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nowadays
this
Linking Words
social group
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has almoust
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almoust
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almost
gone extinct. Now
tonly
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only
somewhere around 10
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procent
Correct your spelling
per cent
of
Use synonyms
forigners
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foreigners
living
Wrong verb form
live
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in rural areas. another major alteration
overall
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rise in urban population .
in
Capitalize word
In
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1995 only a
litlle
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little
bit more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
60
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procent
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per cent
of
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forigners
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foreigners
and somewhere around 70
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procent
Correct your spelling
per cent
of locals lived in cities and towns, recently it jumped to more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
90
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procent
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per cent
of
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forigners
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foreigners
and
almoust
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almost
80
Use synonyms
procent
Correct your spelling
per cent
of locals.
Moreover
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,
population
Add an article
the population
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of small towns
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
has also
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seen a decline. It declined
2 fold
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2fold
in both given categories.
therefore
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, the only
condtantly
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constantly
constant
rising social group are
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
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population, in both cases it
risen
Add the auxiliary verb
rose
has risen
show examples
on
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apply
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somwhere
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somewhere
around 20
Use synonyms
procent
Correct your spelling
per cent
. From 50 to 70 and from 70 to more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
80
respectavly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 68%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words forigners, procent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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