Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?”

Some
people
get into debt by buying things they
don’t
need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
? What action can be taken to prevent
people
from having
this
problem?” In our century it is too easy and available to
borrowing
Wrong verb form
borrow
show examples
money
from each
banks
Change to a singular noun
bank
show examples
and
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
giant
Correct article usage
a giant
show examples
debtor for your own country. And it is one of the main causes why around 85% of residents get into debt and
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
unusual items or
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
nonsensical actions with
this
borrowed
money
. First things first
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
want to choose my
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
citizens as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big and fat proof of
this
trouble. In
Kazakhstan
Add a comma
Kazakhstan,
show examples
we
don’t
even have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong and strict
low
Correct your spelling
law
show examples
about
banks
Change the noun form
bank
show examples
credits and any punishment for
people
, who
don’t
return the
money
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they spend on
trash
Add an article
the trash
show examples
that they
don’t
need or can’t afford for themselves.
For example
,
third
Add an article
a third
the third
show examples
of a quarter of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
in Kazakhstan
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
enough debts. For what all of
this
“headache”? Because there are the most common and one of the general sins which
people
there are have is — contention and showing-off. All of them borrow
money
for
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
events like
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
or
introduction
Correct article usage
the introduction
show examples
of the parents of the couple, who going to marry
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. Or for buying luxury items like designer clothes, famous
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
or premium cars.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
there is one type of person who
borrow
Change the verb form
borrows
show examples
money
to pay off the
another credits
Replace the adjective
another credit
other credits
show examples
. That’s literally strange, but it’s the
sadness
Replace the word
sad
show examples
truth and reality.
People
do all kinds of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
things because they can and
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
to afford
this
not clean system of taking
money
from
banks
or
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
companies or areas which have
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
and control over
money
. The best
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
is
create
Fix the infinitive
to create
show examples
new low and
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
for
this
kind of situation.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
all
banks
and companies could make more strict contracts with their
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.
For example
, on
legal
Add an article
a legal
the legal
show examples
level
Add a comma
level,
show examples
they could take
document
Fix the agreement mistake
documents
show examples
from
people
, which can
proof
Replace the word
prove
show examples
the importance of borrowing
money
and describing the main reasons why they needed
money
and credit. If reasons and explanations are clear and really important (like borrowing
money
for building materials for houses or architecture projects or borrowing
money
to start up your own deal or business) and if your pocket can carry
this
kind of responsibility, they can give you credit or duty. In conclusion, being free from any punishment and spending government
money
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
no purpose turn on
a big debts
Correct the article-noun agreement
big debts
a big debt
show examples
. Having a strong
low
Correct your spelling
law
show examples
specifically about
this
kind of trouble and working only on a legal basis would solve
this
issue,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clearer paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide more logical connections between your ideas, using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion to make them more compelling and cohesive with the central topic.
task achievement
Ensure that each point is relevant and supported with clear examples or explanations to increase coherence.
task achievement
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly. Try to rephrase some sentences to ensure clarity.
task achievement
You have addressed the question and provided a complete response to the task, including clear identification of the problem and possible solutions.
task achievement
You have made use of specific examples related to your country to explain the issue, which adds credibility and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to the main topic and summarizes the proposed solution effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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