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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportion of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts illustrate the percentage of monolingual, bilingual, and
polygot
Correct your spelling
polyglot
 British
students
Use synonyms
 at
one
Use synonyms
 university in England in the years 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
per cent
Correct your spelling
percentage
show examples
 of native
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
French
students
Use synonyms
 underwent decreases during a decade.
However
Linking Words
, there were rises in the number of
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 language users and the Spanish language ranked in the highest segment within ten years at
one
Use synonyms
 university. In detail, the English
students
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 constituted
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second rank after Spanish users(30%) with a fifth of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 amounts at the beginning of the period,
however
Linking Words
, it was halved in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, the fraction of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
French
students
Use synonyms
 decreased by 5% and made up
one
Use synonyms
 in ten
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Regarding increases, the percentage of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 language and Spanish users increased by 5% and accounted for more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half collectively (20% and 35% respectively) in 2010.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the German and polyglot
students
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' number remained steady and comprised
one
Use synonyms
 in ten.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, one with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • additional languages
  • proficiency
  • decade
  • trends in language learning
  • globalization
  • cultural shifts
  • inferred
  • shifted
  • popularity
  • decrease/increase in speakers
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