IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You used a moving service to move your house.At your new address you discovered that some of the items were damaged.Write a letter to a manager of a company. *Give details of your move. *Describe your damage. *What you would like than to do.

#service #move #house #address #items #manager #company #*give #*describe #damage #*what
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to bring to your attention
regarding
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apply
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the dissatisfaction I got
from
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with
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 your recent service. I would like to inform you that on 10th March
,
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apply
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2024 I used your service to move my stuff from Brampton to Calgary
due to
 my new Job.I was very excited
for
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about
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 my
movement
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move
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 but unfortunately, it
turns
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turned
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to
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into
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 sadness as soon as my belongings reached there.
Firstly
, I did not realize
about
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apply
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the damage
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
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 to my
king size
Add a hyphen
king-size
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 bed set but as soon as I
place
Wrong verb form
placed
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 the mattress on it, the right leg of the bed broke down. There was no other option for me at that time
instead
 of purchasing
new
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a new
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 one.I
did
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was
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 not able to figure out the reason
how
Correct word choice
why
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 it happened, but most probably might be
lack
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a lack
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 of poor packaging at the time of loading in the truck. I would like to suggest that please look into
this
 matter with your moving team. So I came to know how it took place.One possible solution could be to compensate
according
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you according
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 to your company policy even I am attaching my bill of invoice for
bed
Correct article usage
the bed
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 set with
this
 letter as well. Looking forward to
hear
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hearing
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 from you soon. Yours faithfully, Sunny Garg
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. Your letter has a good structure, but further clarity can be achieved by enhancing transitions between paragraphs and making each paragraph's main idea more distinct.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a range of cohesive devices (linking words) to improve the flow of your letter. While your letter is generally easy to follow, utilizing a variety of phrases to signal connections between ideas can enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Your letter adequately addresses all parts of the task. To further improve, ensure that each aspect of the task is developed fully. Provide more details about the damaged items and the impact of this damage to strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
Maintain a suitable and consistent tone throughout your letter. You have done well in keeping a formal tone, but ensuring that your word choice consistently reflects respect and politeness can further improve the overall impression.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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