Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour #experiences

Nowadays, many people are convinced that an excessive display of violent

content

in games and TV programs

pose

Correct subject-verb agreement

poses

show examples

a detrimental effect on the public. Other groups of people have

Correct article usage

the

show examples

opposite opinion and disagree that violence in the media can significantly influence people’s actions.

This

essay will delineate my perspective on the presence of violence in entertainment and its negative societal impacts.

While

some may consider

the

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apply

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strong images to be the major contributor to someone’s aggressive

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

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, there are plenty of cases where other factors can cause these

behavioral

Change the spelling

behavioural

show examples

changes . One example can be

demonstration

Correct article usage

the demonstration

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of gore

content

in horror games as in Left for Dead. In

this

particular game, players must participate in cold-blooded fights with other dangerous characters in order to survive the zombie apocalypse.

This

game doesn’t encourage assault on real humans since it only trains your survival skills in imaginary situations. Another explanation of some people having prejudices towards the display of blood might be an attempt to shift

Correct article usage

the

show examples

blame. It is known that dozens of maniacs and psychopaths were more influenced by their upbringing than shock

content

For instance

, the infamous Clown character from the movie IT was based on a real killer from Texas.

This

killer slaughtered more than 90 young men in the costume of Clown and was never a fan of horror or the same genre.

On the contrary

, he was a public figure

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

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enjoyed dressing up and entertaining children with tricks and balloons. During

investigation

Add an article

the investigation

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, it was discovered that he was traumatized by his parents and violent images in the media had little to no effect on his

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

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. In conclusion, many would find strong, violent

content

to be the reason for the presence of increased aggressiveness. I genuinely believe that childhood traumas present more negative impacts on someone's mental health than some R-rated movies and games.

Submitted by 6atb8k on Tue Mar 12 2024

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task response

Ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt by stating your opinion more clearly in the introduction. While you imply your stance, explicitly stating it will strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Use transitional words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the readability and coherence of your essay.

task response

Expand on your examples by explaining how they specifically support your argument. Providing more detailed contexts will make your examples more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Conclude your essay by summarizing your argument and restating your opinion. This will provide closure and reinforce your stance to the reader.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

310 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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