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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job.Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment.In your letter• describe the problem with the equipment• explain how this problem is affecting your work• say what you want the shop or company to do

#work #home #piece #equipment #job #shop #company #letter• #equipment• #work•
Dear Amazon Store Good morning, I am sending a letter to
your's
Change noun form
your
show examples
, to inform you about a problem
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
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 to me after buya
cutting
Correct article usage
a cutting
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 machine from you
last
 week. After starting
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
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cutting
Correct article usage
the cutting
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 instrument to cut paper
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately
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, the machine
not
Add a missing verb
did not
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 working and turning again and tried but
also
Correct pronoun usage
it also
show examples
,
not
Add a missing verb
did not
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 work. And because of that it delayed me from submitting my work at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right time. I hope
from
Change preposition
apply
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you
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
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 my problem and
replacement
Replace the word
replace
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 the machine
by
Change preposition
with
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new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 one or return back my money. Your's sincerely Alfaifi.
Submitted by kh.aj.201234 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on structuring your letter clearly. Begin with an introduction explaining the purpose of your letter, followed by a detailed description of the problem, how it affects your work, and what action you desire. This will enhance your logical structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph discusses a single idea. For instance, one paragraph for the problem, another for its effects, and a final one for your requested solution. This will improve the single idea per paragraph criterion.
Task response
Although your opening and closing are appropriate, refining your tone to be more formal and polite could enhance the overall professionalism of your letter. For example, instead of 'a letter to your's,' consider 'I am writing to inform you.'
Task response
Provide more detailed information about the problem and how exactly it affects your work. For example, describe what you believe might be wrong with the machine and specify the projects and deadlines affected. This will help you fully address the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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