IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

as the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and disciss at least one problem that may result

#world #computers #jobs #job #positions #disciss
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The technology
Correct article usage
Technology
show examples
 is advancing in today's world and because of
this
Linking Words
,
computers
Use synonyms
 are taking the roles of humans in many
workplace
Change to a plural noun
workplaces
show examples
. Computer programmers and drivers can now be done by artificial intelligence and
this
Linking Words
 can cause a big problem because it can cause unemployment to a
lot
Use synonyms
 of people.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, because of the advancement in technology, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of jobs
such
Linking Words
 as programming and driving can now be done by
computers
Use synonyms
. Since
computers
Use synonyms
 are made out of different codes and programs, they can now as well extract those records within their system to create a program.
For instance
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the website ChatGPT,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can give you the exact and right code to create a website and most programmers have attested
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 its accuracy.
In addition
Linking Words
, the problems in the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Earth
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 led people to develop
a driverless cars
Correct the article-noun agreement
driverless cars
a driverless car
show examples
. In the future, taxi companies will replace their cars with
this
Linking Words
, and
this
Linking Words
 can save them more money because they no longer have to hire and pay drivers. Despite these developments, these can lead to problems
such
Linking Words
 as
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 unemployment rate among humans. Since
computers
Use synonyms
 can now do the work of many individuals,
human
Correct article usage
a human
show examples
 workforce will no longer be necessary and it can save employers a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money.
However
Linking Words
, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of people will be affected especially those from middle-class and
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. Being unemployed can lead to many other problems,
such
Linking Words
 as
inability
Correct article usage
the inability
show examples
 to seek healthcare services. And the strain on the healthcare system and the government will only increase as well.
Thus
Linking Words
, there are more drawbacks associated with replacing humans with robots. In conclusion, technological advancement has made a great impact in today's world. Because of
this
Linking Words
, jobs
such
Linking Words
 as programming and driving can now be done by
computers
Use synonyms
. Despite these improvements in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, I believe that a
lot
Use synonyms
 of individuals will lose
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
with
Change preposition
because of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Expand your ideas more fully by providing deeper analysis and a wider range of examples. This will help in fully answering the essay question and improving your score in Task Achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are well-organized and each paragraph has a clear main idea. Use a range of linking phrases accurately to enhance the logical flow of your essay for a better score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Language
Include a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas. This can significantly improve the readability of your essay and positively impact your Task Achievement score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technologically advanced
  • automated machinery
  • computer controlled robots
  • online banking
  • automated teller machines (ATMs)
  • self-service checkouts
  • autonomous vehicles
  • economic stability
  • unemployment rates
  • skill gap
  • specialized training
  • manual labor
What to do next:
Look at other essays: