The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

#bar #results #survey #personnel #department #company #two #groups #workers #factors #work #performance

The

given

Verb problem

apply

show examples

bar graph indicates the outcome of

Remove the article

apply

show examples

research completed by a private department for elements of key working performance which was targeted at two different age groups from the certain company: employees

from

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apply

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between 18 and 30 and between 45 and 60.

Overall

, among the 10 different important parts that impacted to

present

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presentation

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their

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of their

show examples

work, the figures of

team

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the team

a team

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the elements of personal development, relaxed working

enviornment

Correct your spelling

environment

, job security, and promotion prospects impacted

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apply

show examples

the

group

of younger

aged

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

people significantly more than the older people. There were small gaps between

two

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the two

show examples

groups in having

competent

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a competent

show examples

boss and

respecting

Replace the word

respect

show examples

from

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apply

show examples

colleagues ,

while

identical

Add an article

the identical

show examples

result was recorded in team spirit and

work

Correct article usage

the work

show examples

enviornment

Correct your spelling

environment

. Looking at the chart in detail, the vast majority of

younger

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the younger

show examples

group

chose a chance for personal development as one of the

improtanct

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important

fortors

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factors

for their work

whereas

roughly 30% of older employees believed

this

is important to them.

This

trend was

also

sighted

Verb problem

seen

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the figures of esplaxed working

enviornment

Correct your spelling

environment

and chances of promotion, at around 80% for both in the

youger

Correct your spelling

younger

generation.

However

, the other

group

displayed

relatively

Correct article usage

a relatively

show examples

less

Fix the agreement mistake

lower

show examples

ratio of these categories, at about 30% and 50 %, respectively. Moving to the rest of the figures, the opposite outcomes

revealed

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are revealed

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in other factors.

Such

working with competent leaders, respecting

from

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apply

show examples

colleages

Correct your spelling

colleagues

colleges

, and job

satiscantion

Correct your spelling

satisfaction

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

income were recorded

slightly

Change preposition

as slightly

show examples

greater than the older aged people in comparison to the younger

group

Intesetingly

Correct your spelling

Interestingly

, the team culture and working

enviornement

Correct your spelling

environment

recorded the same percentage for each category, at

aound

Correct your spelling

around

70% and 30% each.

Submitted by yeseulyou92 on Wed Mar 13 2024

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

bar chart
survey
personnel department
major company
age group
work performance
factors
comparison
analysis
common
significant
differences
important

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The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people to prevent illness and disease

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+