IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

According to those in the travel business, the nature of the average 'holiday' is changing. Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far-away place, people now want exitement on their holidays and are keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities. Do you agree or disagree?

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Compared to the past,
people
Use synonyms
 have different tastes of
holiday
Use synonyms
 nowadays. They prefer doing some particular yet intense
activities
Use synonyms
 rather than just relaxing in the open air. I strongly agree that there is a natural change
on
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in
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people
Use synonyms
's
holiday
Use synonyms
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
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. A
further
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 explanation will be presented in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
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,
people
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 in the past only had limited choices when it came to
Use synonyms
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
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 because the publicity of tourism spots
were
Change the verb form
was
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 not as much as present time and social media had not developed at that time. So, they chose to have
vacation
Add an article
a vacation
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 in
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 practical and realistic way.
For example
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, hiking in the fresh air.
Although
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 hiking is still popular these days, it used to be more viral in the past.
People
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 who did not like to climb were opting for
hike
Add an article
a hike
the hike
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 as an alternative since they still experienced a similar relaxing break. Day by day, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
getting
Wrong verb form
gets
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 more advanced,
instead
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 of
trapped
Add a missing verb
being trapped
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old habits, the communities are willing to seek
for
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apply
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other thrilling yet adventurous
activities
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.
Moreover
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, they like to join the trends. So, they
like
Add the particle
like to
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 find some
recommendation
Fix the agreement mistake
recommendations
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places
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for places
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 or
activities
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 to do
from
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on
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 their social media.
For instance
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, the new activity they can do based on the recommendation is diving. It gives both relaxing and challenging vibes for those who want to try
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
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. Diving is not only available for
people
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 who can swim but those who can not swim
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 able to do that since there will be a guide to teach them under the sea. In conclusion, there is a shift
of
Change preposition
in
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people
Use synonyms
's
holiday
Use synonyms
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
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. One of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 for
this
Linking Words
 is
because
Correct word choice
apply
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the widespread use of social media so that hidden spots or
activities
Use synonyms
 are easy to find.

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Overall
Though your essay well addresses the topic, aiming for variety in sentence structure and more sophisticated vocabulary can elevate your argument's impact. Consider using more complex sentence forms and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary related to the theme.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure your essay flows smoothly by linking ideas more effectively. This can be achieved by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas, such as contrast, cause and effect, and addition.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, aim to develop your ideas further. While your essay provides relevant examples, deeper analysis and exploration of these examples could strengthen your argument. Additionally, addressing counterarguments could provide a more balanced and comprehensive view.
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