IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phone the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter - describe the problem with the equipment explain what happened when you phoned the shop say what you would like the manager to do.

#piece #equipment #kitchen #work #phone #shop #action #manager
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Dear Sir The purpose of inscribing
this
 missive is to show my dissatisfaction caused by
an equipment
Remove the article
equipment
a piece of equipment
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 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 bought from your store
last
 weekend on March 10, 2024. It was an air fryer of
Gourmia
Correct article usage
the Gourmia
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 company. It
is
Verb problem
has
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 not
working
Wrong verb form
worked
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 properly
from
Change preposition
since
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 my first use; as it overcooked the tenders when
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 put those to get cooked with the specific timer.
Moreover
; yesterday it sparked and not cooking anything now. It stopped working at all. I contacted your store by phone but nobody could offer me any sensible answer. The shift manager told me that it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 not the fault of
shop
Add an article
the shop
a shop
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 at all
and
Correct word choice
apply
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there is a lengthy procedure to replace
an equipment
Remove the article
equipment
a piece of equipment
show examples
 and the store
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not have any refund policy.
Besides
 that, without explaining the procedure of replacement she ended the phone call, which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 found very unprofessional.
Nevertheless
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 hope you will replace the item or I am entitled to a partial refund
in addition
 to an apology for the inconvenience caused. I
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 attached
the
Correct article usage
a
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 copy of
warranty
Correct article usage
the warranty
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 receipt with the letter. I look forward to
receive
Change the verb form
receiving
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 a prompt reply! Yours Faithfully Raman
Submitted by bawanpreet070 on

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Task Response
To improve the task response, ensure you clearly address all parts of the prompt. It seems you've covered the necessary points, but consider expanding on the description of the equipment problem for clarity, and perhaps suggest a clear resolution that you seek, such as a specific date by which you would like the issue resolved or a direct request for a refund or exchange.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs for smoother transitions. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus. You might also benefit from opening with a more direct introduction to the problem and concluding with a stronger, more direct statement of your desired outcome.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • equipment malfunction
  • customer service
  • warranty claim
  • attempted resolution
  • unsatisfactory response
  • replacement request
  • repair services
  • refund procedure
  • swift resolution
  • consumer rights
  • loyalty to the shop
  • managerial intervention
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