IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sector in new Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

#show #sales #sector #zealand
The information about the commercial sector of
Newzealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
show examples
 in terms of online selling of goods in 2003 and 2013 is depicted by given circular charts.
Overall
, the most striking feature of the given chart is that
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
 margin in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
 came from online travel bookings in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years,
while
sales
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online shopping
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
apparels
Fix the agreement mistake
apparel
show examples
 in the latter year reduced to a greater extent. In terms of travel, people were more
fasinated
Correct your spelling
fascinated
 with the online offers on travelling so the maximum
sales
 were derived from
this
 section (36% in 2003 and 29% in 2013).
Furthermore
, in 2013 selling movies and songs on online platforms generated a significant profit difference of 12% when
sales
 in 2003 were merely 21%. Moving to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
 details, individuals developed their interests in online book reading
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
passing
Correct article usage
the passing
show examples
 years;
therefore
,
sales
 of books bought through websites increased from 19% in 2003 to 22% in 2013.
However
, online clothing apps disappointed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
customers
as a result
 of which
sales
 followed a dip to 16% in the year 2013.
Submitted by navkiranji on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • online shopping
  • retail sector
  • New Zealand
  • comparison
  • increase
  • shift
  • traditional
  • popularity
  • platforms
  • technology
  • internet access
  • consumer behavior
  • preferences
  • factors
  • growth
  • impact
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • challenges
  • opportunities
  • future trends
What to do next:
Look at other essays: