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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sector in new Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

#show #sales #sector #zealand
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The information about the commercial sector of
Newzealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
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 in terms of online selling of goods in 2003 and 2013 is depicted by given circular charts.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most striking feature of the given chart is that
major
Correct article usage
the major
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 margin in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 came from online travel bookings in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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years,
while
Linking Words
sales
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online shopping
of
Change preposition
apply
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apparels
Fix the agreement mistake
apparel
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 in the latter year reduced to a greater extent. In terms of travel, people were more
fasinated
Correct your spelling
fascinated
 with the online offers on travelling so the maximum
sales
Use synonyms
 were derived from
this
Linking Words
 section (36% in 2003 and 29% in 2013).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2013 selling movies and songs on online platforms generated a significant profit difference of 12% when
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2003 were merely 21%. Moving to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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further
Linking Words
 details, individuals developed their interests in online book reading
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
passing
Correct article usage
the passing
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 years;
therefore
Linking Words
,
sales
Use synonyms
 of books bought through websites increased from 19% in 2003 to 22% in 2013.
However
Linking Words
, online clothing apps disappointed
the
Correct article usage
apply
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customers
as a result
Linking Words
 of which
sales
Use synonyms
 followed a dip to 16% in the year 2013.
Submitted by navkiranji on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • online shopping
  • retail sector
  • New Zealand
  • comparison
  • increase
  • shift
  • traditional
  • popularity
  • platforms
  • technology
  • internet access
  • consumer behavior
  • preferences
  • factors
  • growth
  • impact
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • challenges
  • opportunities
  • future trends
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