You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phone the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter - describe the problem with the equipment explain what happened when you phoned the shop say what you would like the manager to do.
Dear Sir,
My name is
khashayar
Partovi and I am one of your customers. I am writing Change the capitalization
Khashayar
this
letter to express my dissatisfaction about
my purchase. I Change preposition
with
have
bought a brand new microwave from your shop Unnecessary verb
apply
last
Sunday but when I decided to use it and plugged Correct pronoun usage
it to
to
the electricity it did not work. Change preposition
into
Also
, I checked the wire but nothing seemed wrong.
Therefore
, I decided to call your shop to explain the situation. I tried to phone you several times. So, I finally
had a conversation with you and explained my problem with
you. Change preposition
to
At the end
of our conversation
you assured me that the company’s technician will handle Add a comma
conversation,
this
problem. However
, by passing about two weeks after our talk no action was taken regarding my issue.
At the end
I am asking you to replace my microwave with a new one if it is possible or I am demanding you for
refund my money.
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours faithfully,
Khashayar PartoviChange preposition
to
Submitted by khashayarpartovi on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or point. While your letter generally achieves this, making each point even more distinct can enhance clarity and impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
A logical structure is evident, with a clear progression from introduction to problem description, a recount of your attempts to resolve the issue, and a conclusion with your specific requests. For further improvement, you might consider adding a brief sentence that transitions more smoothly between paragraphs, enhancing flow.
Task Achievement
Your letter successfully addresses the task's required points, detailing the problem, recounting your communication with the shop, and stating your resolution request. To elevate your response, consider adding more detail about how the malfunction affected you, offering a more vivid picture of the inconvenience caused.
Task Achievement
The tone of your letter is generally suitable, polite, and to the point, which is appropriate for the context. However, injecting a bit of urgency or expressing more explicitly how the situation has inconvenienced you might give your request more gravity.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite