In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time job while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?
To do
part-time
job is very popular and captivating in the big cities. Correct article usage
a part-time
Majority
of the Correct article usage
The majority
students
are encouraged to perform some tasks by their parents
and teachers. In my opinion, working as a part-time workers
have enormous pros as compared to the cons .
Correct the article-noun agreement
part-time workers
a part-time worker
To begin
with, it gives financial support to the students
who lives
away from their homes and they can Correct subject-verb agreement
live
fullfill
their desires Correct your spelling
fulfil
with
that moment Change preposition
at
also
assist their Correct word choice
and also
parents
if they are in need . They become independent and self -sufficient
at Correct your spelling
self-sufficient
very
young age which helps them to expand their horizons. Add an article
a very
For instance
, international students
have privilege
to do Change the article
the privilege
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
upto
20 hours per week Correct your spelling
up to
this
way , they can manage their rents , groceries bills and electricity bills . Hence
, they do not put burden
on their Add an article
the burden
a burden
parents
for their pocket money.
Moreover
, when they perform different tasks at the workplace they get experiences and become experts in the same field. Furthermore
, teenagers meet with othe
people who give them appropriate advice for their careers . Correct your spelling
other
Adding more
, Wrong verb form
Additionally
team work
and leadership skills are hard to learn Correct your spelling
teamwork
however
, it become
easy when Change the verb form
becomes
students
are surrounded with
experts. Change preposition
by
For example
, working at Tim Hortons taught how
to manage orders and prepare them at the same time which is Correct pronoun usage
me how
great
time management skill.
Sometimes ,managing Correct article usage
a great
study
along Fix the agreement mistake
studies
part -time
job is not Replace the word
with a part-time
easy
task because some of them are not able to concentrate Add an article
an easy
at
their studies and they will have restricted time for both tasks. Change preposition
on
Therefore
, some subjects like medical science and mathematics really need deep concentration in order to get amazing marks.
To conclude
, this
thing will be possible with positive
attitude ,motivation and support from the Correct article usage
a positive
parents
. However
, it has more benefits as compared to the demerits .Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on
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Task Achievement
Clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument. While your stance is somewhat clear, explicitly stating it will make your essay stronger.
Task Achievement
Ensure you address both sides of the argument to fully respond to the task. While you've predominantly discussed the advantages, including more on the disadvantages would create a more balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay. While you've made an effort in this aspect, increasing the diversity of connectives can improve coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs. While you have structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the content within each is fully developed and cohesive.
Task Achievement
Provide specific, relevant examples to support your main points. You've done this to some extent, but using more detailed examples can strengthen your argument.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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