IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time job while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?

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To do
part-time
Correct article usage
a part-time
show examples
 job is very popular and captivating in the big cities.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the
students
Use synonyms
 are encouraged to perform some tasks by their
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers. In my opinion, working as
a part-time workers
Correct the article-noun agreement
part-time workers
a part-time worker
show examples
 have enormous pros as compared to the cons .
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it gives financial support to the
students
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 away from their homes and they can
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their desires
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that moment
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 assist their
parents
Use synonyms
 if they are in need . They become independent and
self -sufficient
Correct your spelling
self-sufficient
show examples
 at
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 young age which helps them to expand their horizons.
For instance
Linking Words
, international
students
Use synonyms
 have
privilege
Change the article
the privilege
show examples
 to do
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 20 hours per week
this
Linking Words
 way , they can manage their rents , groceries bills and electricity bills .
Hence
Linking Words
, they do not put
burden
Add an article
the burden
a burden
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 on their
parents
Use synonyms
 for their pocket money.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when they perform different tasks at the workplace they get experiences and become experts in the same field.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, teenagers meet with
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 people who give them appropriate advice for their careers .
Adding more
Wrong verb form
Additionally
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,
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 and leadership skills are hard to learn
however
Linking Words
, it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 easy when
students
Use synonyms
 are surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 experts.
For example
Linking Words
, working at Tim Hortons taught
how
Correct pronoun usage
me how
show examples
 to manage orders and prepare them at the same time which is
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 time management skill. Sometimes ,managing
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 along
part -time
Replace the word
with a part-time
show examples
 job is not
easy
Add an article
an easy
show examples
 task because some of them are not able to concentrate
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their studies and they will have restricted time for both tasks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some subjects like medical science and mathematics really need deep concentration in order to get amazing marks.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 thing will be possible with
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 attitude ,motivation and support from the
parents
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it has more benefits as compared to the demerits .

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Task Achievement
Clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument. While your stance is somewhat clear, explicitly stating it will make your essay stronger.
Task Achievement
Ensure you address both sides of the argument to fully respond to the task. While you've predominantly discussed the advantages, including more on the disadvantages would create a more balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay. While you've made an effort in this aspect, increasing the diversity of connectives can improve coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs. While you have structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the content within each is fully developed and cohesive.
Task Achievement
Provide specific, relevant examples to support your main points. You've done this to some extent, but using more detailed examples can strengthen your argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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