IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

The given bar chart demonstrates a recored proportion of residents who purchased and consumed coffee and tea in five cities of Australia in the last 4 weeks.

#bar #proportion #residents #coffee #tea #five #cities #australia #weeks
The given bar chart demonstrates a
recored
Correct your spelling
record
recorded
 proportion of residents who purchased and consumed
coffee
 and tea in five cities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australia in the
last
 4 weeks. It can be easily seen that the
coffee
 and tea bought from
store
Correct article usage
the store
show examples
 lead the data of the chart. After
that is
 instant
coffee
 and
finally
 is fresh
coffee
. Regarding the leading figures, the highest percentages were
hold
Wrong verb form
held
show examples
 in Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart which all over 60%. For Brisbane, the date
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
sightly
Correct your spelling
slightly
show examples
 55%.
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
Afterward
Add a comma
Afterward,
show examples
 it was below 50% in Adelaide,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which this
show examples
also
 the lowest city in
this
 type of data. Speaking of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant
coffee
, the first and the second positions belonged to Hobart and Brisbane. The former was approximately 55%
while
 the latter was about 53%. Adelaide was the following with exactly 50%. Melbourne and Sydney were the two lowest data, both of them were under 50%.
Finally
, turning to fresh
coffee
, Sydney and Melbourne were the largest consumer
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
show examples
 which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
held nearly 45%.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 position was Hobart which around
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
38%, and
then
 Brisbane and Adelaide ranked
last
 with the values were at roughly 34%.
Submitted by weezel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider including an introductory sentence that provides a brief overview of the chart and its significance. This will set the context for your analysis.
Task Achievement
Make sure to summarize the data by highlighting key trends, comparisons, or notable figures. Directly referencing data points can enhance your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Structure your essay more clearly by organizing it into paragraphs that each focus on a particular aspect of the chart. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Employ a variety of linking words and phrases to help transition between ideas and show relationships between data points (e.g., furthermore, in contrast, similarly).
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a conclusion that wraps up your analysis and perhaps provides insight or a reflective comment on the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: