In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

There is no doubt that in
this
competitive era,more and more individuals need to move away from their
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loved
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love
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ones to other places to find
successful
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a successful
the successful
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jobs
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job
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jobs
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for their future.I think the advantages of
this
development far
outweight
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outweigh
the disadvantages in spite of two factors
such
as personal growth and higher income.In the next paragraph ,I will discuss the reason for
this
in detail.
To begin
with ,in order to become a mature and
responsibility
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responsible
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person ,the individuals need to leave their nest and grow because the changes help a person to experience and explore the things that might not be possible in their hometown.
For example
,in the countryside ,there is no new development and technology to be exposed
on
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to
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the younger generations.
Therefore
,a waste of economic
resourses
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resources
if the new generations fail to try
on
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apply
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the
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new things.Next ,the higher income is the most critical reason for
this
trend because
with
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, with
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the higher payment from their employers ,they will have more ability to support their families from afar.
For example
,people will choose company B far away from their hometown
compare
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compared
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to company A because of the benefits and the higher salaries that have been offered.
In contrast
,there is a disadvantage
for
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to
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this
pace which is
sense
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a sense
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of isolation from leaving their families and friends.
For example
,a father
needs
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who needs
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to relocate for work because of better resources to provide needs to his family will feel lonely.
Consequently
,
this
will sometimes lead to stress-related
illness
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illnesses
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such
as mental
problem
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problems
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because of
the
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burnout
and
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presure
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pressure
of workload and lack of interaction with the family. In conclusion , the phenomena of
the
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merits far
outweight
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outweigh
the demerits ,
although
the
drawback
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drawbacks
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include illness but with help and support from
the
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apply
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employers and families ,the problem can be solved.
Submitted by tifjong on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Begin with an introduction that presents the topic and your opinion clearly. Follow with body paragraphs that each focus on a single main point, supported by examples or explanations. Conclude by summarizing your argument and restating your opinion. Consider using more paragraph breaks to enhance readability and organization.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing each of your main points more thoroughly. Present clear, relevant examples or detailed explanations to back up your arguments. This will help to make your essay more persuasive and your ideas more comprehensible.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address the question, offering a balanced view where necessary, and clearly stating your opinion. Include examples that are directly relevant to the question and explore both advantages and disadvantages to provide a more rounded argument. Your conclusion should clearly reflect your overview of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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