IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information:  what kind of business you want to start  how much money you need  the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money

#business #bank #information #loan #finance #company #money #length #time
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Dilya Umarovna staying
at
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in
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Kashqadarya
Correct article usage
the Kashqadarya
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 region,Uzbekistan.I am writing to ask for information about the specific requirements in
regards
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regard
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 to receiving a business
loan
 to invest in my new venture. I am planning to organize a Computer Software and development company.Since ,the new organization requires a number of computers ,accessories,systems,infrastructure and huge office space, I would like to get
significant
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a significant
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 amount of
loan
 for my business.
Therefore
,our customer is one of the USA's reputed technology vendors who will utilize our application and program to use in their manufacturing chip.
Then
,I would have the necessity of $
50 000
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50,000
 for the initial start-up and pay out the expenses.So,I will apply for the
loan
 in the next week with all
necessary
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the necessary
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 documents.
Although
,It will be just the beginning of our company,
however
,I am expecting 7% profit growth per year.
In addition
, I think that the total
loan
 amount would be paid within 2 years from the date of
loan
 commencement. I would appreciate
if
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it if
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 you could inform me as soon as possible.You could send the
above -mentioned
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above-mentioned
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 information to my e-mail or a fax. I look forward to hearing from you! Yours faithfully, Dilya Umarovna
Submitted by saint_4ever on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-organized with clear transitions between them to enhance the letter's flow and logical structure. A more structured transition between discussing the business plan and requesting loan details would improve readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance the greeting and closing segments, consider a slightly more formal and specific approach. For example, if you know the name of the bank manager or the specific department, addressing them directly can personalize and formalize your letter further.
Coherence & Cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, supported by relevant details. While your letter generally aligns with this principle, aim for even clearer demarcation of topics to aid reader understanding.
Task Achievement
Your response successfully covers the main points requested in the task, such as the type of business, the loan amount, and the repayment plan. To enhance your task achievement score, provide more detail about why your business is a sound investment for the bank, possibly including more specific projections or market analysis.
Task Achievement
The tone of your letter is mostly suitable, reflecting the formal and polite tone required in correspondence with a bank. To further refine this, ensure consistency in formality throughout the letter, avoiding any colloquial expressions or overly casual phrases.

Structure your letter

A letter needs to be written using a proper format, including the following:

  • A greeting (Dear sir/madam, Dear John, Dear Mr. Smith)
  • The main body (consisting of paragraphs for each part of the letter)
  • A closing (Yours sincerely, Yours faithfully, Best wishes, Kind regards, Love)

When writing a letter as part of the IELTS General Training Writing Task 1, it is important to include the bullet points presented to you in the question.

All three bullet points need to be presented. And remember that some bullet points contain more than one element. So, make sure to watch for ‘and’ and plurals.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial forecast
  • cash flow analysis
  • target market
  • startup capital
  • business plan
  • profitability
  • repayment schedule
  • collateral
  • creditworthiness
  • entrepreneurial venture
  • capital expenditure
  • industry analysis
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