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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of members of parliament who were women in 5 regions, compared to the percentage worldwide.

The chart below shows the percentage of members of parliament who were women in 5 regions, compared to the percentage worldwide.
The presented chart
expresses
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 the percentage of members of
parliament
Use synonyms
 who were women in 5 regions, compared to the allotment worldwide.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 from Germany, Italy,
France
Correct word choice
and France
show examples
 had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 positions at the beginning.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 from Belgium
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated. Meanwhile,
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 from
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 gradually. Italian
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 from
parliament
Use synonyms
 started with the highest attitude from the inception. German
woman
Use synonyms
 started their job in
parliament
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 33% in 2000
then
Linking Words
 boosted quickly till 2012 with 41%.
Use synonyms
Woman
Fix the agreement mistake
Women
show examples
 from France initiation started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 25%
then
Linking Words
 went up gradually
27
Change preposition
to 27
show examples
% in 2004 afterwards their percentage soared considerably
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 29% in 2008
Linking Words
subsequently
Correct word choice
and subsequently
show examples
also
Linking Words
 increased quickly
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 32% in 2012.
Belgium
Change noun form
Belgium's
show examples
 women
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
parliament
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
 progressively
then
Linking Words
 in 2004
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2008
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
28%
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained the same but
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2008
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2012
decrease rapid
Replace the word
decreased rapidly
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 22%. Women from
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 4% in 2000
then
Linking Words
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 sharply
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 9% in 2004
subsequently
Linking Words
 shot up speedily
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20% in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "subsequently".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words parliament, woman with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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