IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the charts below show the males and females arrested over 5 years and the reasons for the most recent arresets.

the charts below show the males and females arrested over 5 years and the reasons for the most recent arresets.
#show #males #females #years #arresets
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The circular charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the arrests during the
5 years
Correct your spelling
5-year
 duration till 1994,
while
Linking Words
 the bar graph gives information about the recent arrests and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 causes. The information is calibrated in the form of
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most striking feature of the given pie chart is that more
men
Use synonyms
 were arrested than
women
Use synonyms
 in the period of 5 years. The bar graph shows that
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
females
Use synonyms
 were arrested for drinking publicly and the least
males
Use synonyms
 were arrested when they had no answer to give to the officials. The pie chart
represents
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that
males
Use synonyms
 were involved in more criminal cases as compared to
females
Use synonyms
 and the percentage of
arrest
Fix the agreement mistake
arrests
show examples
 for the former was nearly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three-fold
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
females
Use synonyms
 and the figures were noted as 32% and 9% respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
five years
Correct your spelling
five-year
show examples
 period, 68%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
were
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not
indulged
Wrong verb form
indulge
show examples
 in any unlawful acts
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 proportion is quite high in
females
Use synonyms
 and 91%
Use synonyms
females
Change preposition
of females
show examples
 were recorded innocent. The bar graph demonstrates that during the given period
males
Use synonyms
 arrested for
drink
Replace the word
drunk
show examples
 driving were nearly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
twice of
females
Use synonyms
 where
males
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 26% and
females
Use synonyms
 for 14%. The most common reason for arresting people was drinking in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places so
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 difference of 7% was noticed between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 where 37%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 were arrested and
women
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
30%.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
almost
Add an article
an almost
show examples
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 number of
males
Use synonyms
 around 16% were
Add an article
the culprit
show examples
culprit
Fix the agreement mistake
culprits
show examples
 for breach of order, theft and
assualt
Correct your spelling
assault
.
However
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 involved in
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 two aspects were 12% and 19% of
females
Use synonyms
 were arrested for
assualt
Correct your spelling
assault
 and other reasons.
Lastly
Linking Words
, 4%
Use synonyms
males
Change preposition
of males
show examples
 and 7%
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
 were arrested for no answer.
Submitted by navkiranji on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, females, males with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: