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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportions of male and female students studying six art-related subjects at a UK university in 2011.

The chart below shows the proportions of male and female students studying six art-related subjects at a UK university in 2011.
#proportions #students #six #subjects #uk #university
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The given bar chart illustrates the proportions of
students
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both genders who majored
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 6 different subjects in a particular school
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 by 2011
Overall
 , it can be seen that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
majority of
students
 who enter these subjects
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 female with the exception of Art and Design where male
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 took over .
Additionally
 , Language and literature
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the subjects with most male and female
students
choosing
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
. With regards to the majors where more much more female
students
 studied than male . Taking a look at Linguistics and Philosophy ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accounted for about 250% and 150%
female
Change preposition
of female
show examples
students
 studying
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 100% higher than male ones . Meanwhile , English language and literature had an identical pattern but just
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 disparity with 230% male and 250% female entering the course . Turning to the remaining majors where there was a smaller difference between male and female
students
 . Focusing on History and Archeology
as well as
 Communication and Media Stud , both of them saw a similar trend
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
comprising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 100% and 200%
females
Change the noun form
female
show examples
students
 compared to just 90% and 200% male undergraduates .
By contrast
 , Art and
Deisgn
Correct your spelling
Design
 made up 150% female
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 20% less than the male
students
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportions" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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