IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows changes in young adult unemployment rates in England between 1993 and 2012.

The graph below shows changes in young adult unemployment rates in England between 1993 and 2012.
#changes #adult #unemployment #rates #england
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The graph below depicts the trend in young adult unemployment rates in
England
Use synonyms
 from
year
Use synonyms
 1993 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the unemployed young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 between the ages 16 to 24 were at the highest in London as compared to those who are
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the other parts of
England
Use synonyms
. There is
also
Linking Words
 a slight difference among the jobless individuals all over London than in the rest of
England
Use synonyms
. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, there
showed
Verb problem
was
show examples
 a decrease in
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate among individuals
aging from
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 16-
24
Change preposition
to 24
show examples
 from the
year
Use synonyms
 1993 to 1999 with its lowest at approximately 15%. A
peaked
Change the form of the verb
peak
show examples
 in the rate is seen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the latter part of the
year
Use synonyms
 with 25%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other parts of
England
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 showed the same trend with the lowest recorded at around the
year
Use synonyms
 2021 with about
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
% unemployment rate.
While
Linking Words
 the highest is recorded
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2011 with 20%.
Submitted by decxelnarjoyragas on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words england, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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