IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

One hundred adults, boys and girls in Manchester, England were asked to name the sports they participated in. The results were recorded in the following stacked bar chart.

#adults #boys #girls #manchester #england #name #sports #results #bar
The given chart displays the
number
 of
people
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
 in typical sports that
separated
Add a missing verb
were separated
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three groups: adults,
boys
 and girls in Manchester, England.
Overall
, it can be seen from the chat that swimming is the most favoured sport
while
 football and basketball are the least popular ones.
Besides
,
boys
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the largest
participants
 in the sports than other groups,
excepted
Change the form of the verb
except
show examples
 hockey.
To begin
 with, swimming has the highest
participants
Correct quantifier usage
number of participants
show examples
 and
boys
 take part in
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
this
 sport approximately 70
people
.
Next,
hockey
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the
number
Correct word choice
same number
show examples
participants
Change preposition
of participants
show examples
 as many as tennis but girls
is
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the largest
number
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
taken
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 part in hockey around 75
people
 and
also
 the least
number
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 participated in tennis about 30
people
. Moving on to other categories, there is the least
number
 of
participants
opted
Correct pronoun usage
who opted
show examples
 for basketball and football. In
particularly
Change the word
particular
show examples
,
boys
 are the most common
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 in both football and basketball around 60 and 50
people
 respectively.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 adults
occupies
Wrong verb form
occupied
show examples
 the least
participants
 in sports
excepted
Wrong verb form
except
show examples
 tennis around 40
people
.
Submitted by lethithut123 on

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introduction
Begin by creating a clear opening paragraph that introduces the chart and its significance. Consider including a sentence that briefly outlines the main trends or a general overview before diving into specifics.
structure
Improve the logical flow of your essay. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your analysis. This will help in creating a more coherent argument.
conclusion
Add a conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay and offers a final insight or reflection on the data presented. This will strengthen the overall structure of your writing.
data utilization
In terms of task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the task. Include specific data points from the chart to support your analysis. This will show a thorough understanding of the chart and enhance your response.
vocabulary
Use varied and precise vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons. This includes words and phrases that precisely convey increases, decreases, and comparisons between groups.
grammar
Pay attention to the accuracy and variety of the grammatical structures. Experiment with complex sentences and ensure verb tenses are used correctly to accurately depict the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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