IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both therse views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organization #life #organisations #therse
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In
contemporaries
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contemporary
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 times, the majority of employees intend to work for fixed corporations,
while
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 others assert that it is better to change jobs if needed.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in
favor
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favour
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for
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of
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 the latter notion. On the one hand, it is understandable why individuals who insist on being loyal workers could be advantageous to a certain extent. First and foremost, it could guarantee the stability of
staffs'
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staff's
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 lives.
For example
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,
besides
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 their basic salaries, experienced employees could receive additional bonuses as a tribute to their dedication, which could help them easily cover their daily costs,
such
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 as accommodation, food, and bills.
Furthermore
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, taking part in only one firm could support workers
have
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to have
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 successful career paths.
This
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 is because without worrying about
financial
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the financial
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 burden, members of the company could focus on studying a particular field more deeply, thereby leading them to become professional experts
but
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apply
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also
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 taking on higher positions in the firms.
On the other hand
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, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that altering different organisations could have significant benefits. One rationale is that it could improve jobholders' wages. In fact, they are likely to be paid higher than their current payments when they change jobs,
thus
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,
this
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 is an opportunity to raise their incomes
as well as
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 the quality of their lives. Another justification is that new workplaces could provide a better developing environment. To be more specific, jobholders could find
suitable
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a suitable
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 company that
adapt
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adapts
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 their aims,
such
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 as broadening experiences, learning relevant job skills, and creating networking, which could play a role as motivators and satisfactory to encourage
staffs
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staff
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 to work more efficiently. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that staying in the same enterprise for the whole life brings numerous valuable results, I would contend that entering alternative organisations is more beneficial.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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task achievement
Work on providing more diversified and specific examples to support your points. While your essay touches upon general benefits, including examples from real-life scenarios or studies could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. While you have structured it well into paragraphs, using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences could help link your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Although you have attempted to cover both sides of the argument and provided a conclusion, aim for more depth in exploring the different viewpoints. This might involve discussing potential drawbacks or limitations of each perspective in a balanced way.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • organization
  • stability
  • security
  • predictable
  • long-term growth
  • loyalty
  • belonging
  • varied workplace environments
  • adaptability
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • personal preference
  • personality type
  • career goals
  • industry norms
  • personal circumstances
  • one-size-fits-all
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
  • professional aspirations
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