the chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweight in Australia from 1980 and 2010

the chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweight in Australia from 1980 and 2010
The provided graph compares the proportion of men and women who suffered from obesity in Australia in four
years
. Unit is measured in
percentage
.
Overall
,
it is clear that
the
percentage
of males dominated in all given
years
.
On the other hand
, the
percentage
of females who suffered from obesity gradually rose and in the
last
two
years
peaked approximately the same .
Additionally
, the proportion of overweighed people in 1980 remained the lowest point.
According to
the table, the figure for females in 1980 showed the minimum per cent at just above 30%,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
had modestly gone up to almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half. In the
last
two
years
(2000 and 2010) the
percentage
of overweight
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women came top
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the table at approximately 52%.
In contrast
, there was 40% of overweighed men in the first given year, it gradually rose to just 50% in the next period.
However
, the figure for males who were overweight climbed to the highest point at about 65% in 2000.
Whereas
, it slightly declined by 5 per cent in the
last
year.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, percentage with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: