IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon #summarise #information #features #comparison
A quick glance at the diagrams
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 information about how many stages were lived of
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
fish
 called the
salmon
.
Overall
, there are three types
fish
Change preposition
of fish
show examples
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the smallest one is fry
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is approximately 3-8 cm
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 body. Next is smolt
fish
 and their body about 12-15 cm. The biggest
fish
 is
salmon
,
salmon
’s body is 70-76 cm. In terms of explaining
process
Add an article
the process
a process
show examples
,
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
 river is
slow
Correct word choice
slow-moving
show examples
moving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and there are some reeds. Under the reeds, some stones with
salmon
 eggs and they are approximately 5-6 months. After 5-6 months eggs become fries, and the habitat changes to a fast-flowing lower river. Fry lives there for approximately 4 years,
then
 it grows and becomes smolt. With regards to the diagram, smolts live in the open sea for 5 years,
then
 they become adult
salmon
 and they leave their eggs in the upper river. It can be seen that how the life cycle of
salmon
 continues.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, salmon with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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