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Band 3

in spite of the many advances women have made in eduction and emplyment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. in your view , what should be donr to promote equality of the opportunity for men and women in the workplace.

#spite #advances #women #eduction #emplyment #promotion #donr #equality #opportunity #men #workplace
the latest issue that
commonly
Add a missing verb
is commonly
show examples
 found in our social life is about
gender
equality
. nowadays,
women
 can pursue their dream
in
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of
show examples
education
 and can be employers, but some of them
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 harrassed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society because of when they got
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
 and promoted. some people think that woman fate
are
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is
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housewife
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housewives
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, even though they have
higher
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a higher
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education
background
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backgrounds
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,
this
 dogma
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 getting normalized in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, because people argue that every job should be done by
man
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men
show examples
.
in
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On
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 the other side,
gender
equality
 in some sectors can
be give
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give
show examples
adventages
Correct your spelling
an advantage
 to
women
,
for example
, they will get lighter
job
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jobs
show examples
 than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 do, but in
education
,
gender
equality
 are not really
showed
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
Correct article usage
a differencies
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differencies
Correct your spelling
difference
, both
women
 and
man
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men
show examples
 have
same
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the same
show examples
 oppurtunity in
education
, that means everybody is same.
however
, if we talk about
gender
equality
 in
workplace
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the workplace
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,
women
 sometimes
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of attention than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
, because
of
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apply
show examples
the employee sometimes
looking
Wrong verb form
looks
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 for beautiful
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 and it can make
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 workers get
jealously
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jealous
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, so
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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also
 can be
harrasment
Correct your spelling
harassment
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
women
 that has attractive appearence.
in addition
, it can be unequal if they are promoted by their looks, it should be by their work hard. in conclusion, both
women
 and
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 should have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same chance to be or to reach their dreams and
also
 have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to get promoted, we need to change our mindset to reduce the
patriarcy
Correct your spelling
patriarchy
patriarch
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Structure
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay somewhat lacks a clear separation between these parts, making it hard to follow the progression of your argument.
Content
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your points. While you have mentioned some situations, more detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
Expression
Work on sentence structure and use of transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your essay more coherent.
Task Response
Consider revisiting the essay prompt and ensuring that all aspects are addressed comprehensively. Incorporate a balanced discussion of the issues, followed by specific suggestions or solutions.
Language
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation to enhance your written expression. Mistakes in these areas could detract from the clarity of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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