in spite of the many advances women have made in eduction and emplyment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. in your view , what should be donr to promote equality of the opportunity for men and women in the workplace.

the latest issue that
commonly
Add a missing verb
is commonly
show examples
found in our social life is about
gender
equality
. nowadays,
women
can pursue their dream
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
education
and can be employers, but some of them
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
harrassed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society because of when they got
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
and promoted. some people think that woman fate
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
housewife
Fix the agreement mistake
housewives
show examples
, even though they have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
education
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
,
this
dogma
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
getting normalized in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, because people argue that every job should be done by
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
.
in
Change preposition
On
show examples
the other side,
gender
equality
in some sectors can
be give
Change the verb form
give
show examples
adventages
Correct your spelling
an advantage
to
women
,
for example
, they will get lighter
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
do, but in
education
,
gender
equality
are not really
showed
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
Correct article usage
a differencies
show examples
differencies
Correct your spelling
difference
, both
women
and
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
oppurtunity in
education
, that means everybody is same.
however
, if we talk about
gender
equality
in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
,
women
sometimes
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
of attention than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the employee sometimes
looking
Wrong verb form
looks
show examples
for beautiful
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
and it can make
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
workers get
jealously
Change the word
jealous
show examples
, so
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
also
can be
harrasment
Correct your spelling
harassment
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
women
that has attractive appearence.
in addition
, it can be unequal if they are promoted by their looks, it should be by their work hard. in conclusion, both
women
and
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
should have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
same chance to be or to reach their dreams and
also
have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
to get promoted, we need to change our mindset to reduce the
patriarcy
Correct your spelling
patriarchy
patriarch
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Structure
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Content
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your points. While you have mentioned some situations, more detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
Expression
Work on sentence structure and use of transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your essay more coherent.
Task Response
Consider revisiting the essay prompt and ensuring that all aspects are addressed comprehensively. Incorporate a balanced discussion of the issues, followed by specific suggestions or solutions.
Language
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation to enhance your written expression. Mistakes in these areas could detract from the clarity of your arguments.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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