IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows changes in the youth unemployment rate from 2000 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows changes in the youth unemployment rate from 2000 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #changes #youth #unemployment #rate #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graph demonstrates
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
 unemployment
rate
 in dynamic throughout the given period from 2000 to 2012 in Italy, Britain, Sweden, France, Germany
Overall
, it is evident from the data that young adults in Italy had the highest unemployment
rate
.
In contrast
, German residents
Change preposition
on
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average had
Correct article usage
a 10
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10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 chance
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 unemployed. It is interesting to note that, the partition of jobless young Sweden citizens steadily increased, with a higher growth in the period between 2005 and 2012.
On the other hand
, the number of young non-working Britains
drasticaly
Correct your spelling
drastically
 jumped
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 12
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in the first 5 years. After rising, the number of unemployed fluctuated
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 25
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. It is noticeable that
German
Correct your spelling
Germany
show examples
 in general had the lowest unemployment
rate
. There was a peak in 2005,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the
rate
 had decreased
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 5
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 by 2012. The jobless
rate
 in France
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated throughout the period
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
overall
 increased
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 5
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 from 20 to 25.
Submitted by dyussenovaanel on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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