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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below illustrates the children, men, women rate who ate five portions of fruit and vegatables daily in the UK between 2001 and 2008.

The chart below illustrates the children, men, women rate who ate five portions of fruit and vegatables daily in the UK between 2001 and 2008.
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This
Linking Words
 bar graph shows the amount of children, men,
women
Correct word choice
and women
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 who ate five portions of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 on a daily basis throughout the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2001 to 2008 in the UK. It is evident from the chart that children and men who consumed
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 remained constant between 2001 to 2003. Women who ingested it are higher in numbers than men and children. In the
year
Use synonyms
 2006, it depicts that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of women who are eating
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 is
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
steep
Correct article usage
a steep
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 trajectory. Following the
year
Use synonyms
 2006, in 2007
this
Linking Words
 number
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from 35% to 32%. It is
also
Linking Words
 highly notable that
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 2006, amount of people who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 eating
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 had increased compared to other years.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 chart
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
illustrated a visual representation of the number of people who were using
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 as one of their daily food items from the
year
Use synonyms
 2001 to 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fruits, vegetables, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic groups
  • Consumption rates
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Stable or fluctuating intake
  • Dietary recommendations
  • Public health campaigns
  • Availability of fresh produce
  • Health outcomes
  • Obesity rates
  • Heart disease
  • Diet-related conditions
  • Further research
  • Public health policy
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