IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows participation of Australian children in certain sport activities outside of school hours. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows participation of Australian children in certain sport activities outside of school hours. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#participation #australian #children #sport #activities #school #hours #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The data provided indicates
participation
Add an article
the participation
show examples
 of Australian kids in
sports
Use synonyms
 after school hours.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
boys
Use synonyms
 prefer attending classes in football at the most of all
sports
Use synonyms
 categories,
girls
Use synonyms
 prefer the same
sports
Use synonyms
 as their least.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, schoolboys supremely favour playing football outside of school hours at 18%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
girls
Use synonyms
 indicated the lowest rate
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 playing football among all the categories with 3%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, netball mostly consists of
girls
Use synonyms
 at 13% which is the highest of all
girls
Use synonyms
 participation in
sports
Use synonyms
. In spite of that,
boys
Use synonyms
 had the lowest favour playing netball with only 2%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 attend basketball class for about 12% which is the second rank of
boys
Use synonyms
 preference
while
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
 only accumulated 9%.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
boys
Use synonyms
 accounted for 9% of spending time in swimming,
girls
Use synonyms
 showed 2% higher at 11%. An eye-catching part is the children who do not participate at all in
sports
Use synonyms
 showed both
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
 under 5%.
Submitted by chlflsk4112 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, boys, girls with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "indicates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: